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my entire personality.
    It was like she didn’t even care whether I had actually said those things or not, she just wanted to believe. Maybe she had secretly been hating me this whole time and was just looking for an excuse to end our friendship. The thought made me feel as if a super fat and sweaty man was sitting on my chest, crushing me and making my eyes water.
    But when I looked over at her, even though she sat so her hair hung down, hiding her face, I could see that her cheeks were red and she was biting her lip. She didn’t look as if she was filled with a secret joy at getting rid of me, she looked as if the fat man was sitting on her too.
    Mr Porter handed back our midterm papers, and then class ended and I figured that was my chance. Hannah tried to push past me but I caught her by the sleeve.
    “Hold up,” I said. “Don’t tell me you actually believe all this BS, Hannah?  Come on! You know me better than that!” I tried to catch her eye. “I thought we were friends.”
    She ducked her head so that I couldn’t see her face and pulled her arm away, rushing from the room.
    “You should just leave her alone,” said Fatima.
    I spun around to see her standing behind me, staring at the paper in my hand, my English midterm, trying to see my grade.
    “She has to know I didn’t write those things.”
    Fatima shrugged, looking up at me though her eyes kept straying back to the paper. “I don’t think she cares, she’s probably realized you’re more trouble than you’re worth.” She gave up all pretense and craned her head to see my grade.
    “Just ask if you care so much,” I said, annoyed at her for turning against me when I’d thought we were kind-of friends.
    Her shoulders stiffened and she gave me a haughty look.  “I know you got an A, you’re Mr Porter’s favorite.”
    If I was annoyed at her before, it was nothing compared to the wave of anger that went over me at the implication that I didn’t work for my grades. It rose up in me like a fire and I took a step toward her.
    “Come on, Fatima,” said Hannah quietly, standing in the doorway, resolutely not looking at me. “Let’s go to lunch.”
    As I stared after them, watching them leave together, leave me behind. Even though I was angry at them both, it still felt lonely and awful being left there alone.
    I’d even lost my enthusiasm for lunch. That had never happened to me before. I far preferred to eat my feelings. Feelings were delicious, especially if they came in the form of the little cheesy pastries on the lunch menu. There must be something seriously wrong with me if I was too sad for cheesy pastries. Maybe I was dying. I felt a bit as if I was dying, there was something hard and twisted buried deep in my chest. Like the fat man had grown talons and sunk them deep into my flesh. Maybe I was just sad because I hadn’t eaten. That kind of thing seemed possible, a vicious cycle of non-eating that made you feel sad and not hungry. Maybe pastries would perk me right up. It seemed legit, so I headed to the dining hall despite my reservations.
    I didn’t make it to the dining hall.
    A group of students – it seemed like everyone in the school — waited for me out in the courtyard. At first I thought they were just milling around. I don’t know why anyone would mill around in the freezing cold but then I clearly didn’t understand much about the world if whatever was going on at this school passed for normal. They blocked the entrance to the dining hall, and for a moment I stood and waited for them to move out of my way. They didn’t move. Instead, they turned toward me, moving as one and reminding me eerily of that time they were all possessed by some bad juju and wandering through the forest like a bunch of animated corpses.  I shivered.
    I didn’t need this crap and I could get into the dining hall from the other entrance. I turned to leave but they’d moved to encircle me. Wow, that seemed ominous.
    I looked around the