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toilet paper off the roll and blew her nose. Recently, she’d had anxiety attacks where she would feel physically ill when she was worried about something out of her control. She’d tried to reason with herself, and the only rational that would work would be to say she was just going to feel this way until she didn’t feel this way anymore. She’d go to the gym and run on the treadmill. Once, the same day Ashton had visited her after Jack’s death, she went to the gym to work off her anger, and a trainer had come over to her and mouthed, “Take it easy, lady, you’re going to kill yourself.” But it was the only way she knew to work out these feelings. Run herself to death or die of a broken heart. It was easier to run.
    Before she could escape to the gym, she heard a key in the door; right after she’d hung up on Dan, he’d left the farm and raced to the beach. Figuring it was Dan because no one else had a key, she went to meet him in the hallway.
    “Are you okay?” he asked, knowing she wasn’t. “What’s going on with Brent?”
    Frowning, Pam guessed she must have mentioned Brent’s name before she hung up the phone. “His girlfriend called and said he has turned into a maniac. I didn’t get what she was saying to me for a few minutes, but it came into focus before long. How could I have missed my own child’s problems? It was bad enough I ignored his father’s.”
    “Just because Julie had trouble with him doesn’t mean he’s always been that way, Pam. Maybe he’s just started experimenting with alternative lifestyles. Before you’re too hard on him, let’s try to remember he’s not married yet, okay?”
    Pam walked to the kitchen as Dan followed her. She pulled out a counter stool and sat down on it, staring out the window. The water was a vast grey sheet that day. She looked at him.
    “So are you saying it’s not a negative thing what he’s doing?” She was baffled, not understanding the need that would drive a person to add bizarre acts to their sex life.
    “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. You might not agree with it, but that’s what personal preference is all about. It sounds like he might have neglected to inform Julie before he asked her to marry him that he was trying out some different lifestyles. But if I remember correctly, didn’t he come home on the spur of the moment because she gave him an ultimatum? ‘I want to get married, or else.’ It sounds like Julie may have brought some of this on herself.”
    Pam turned to embrace Dan. “Thank you for making excuses for my son,” she whispered.
    He held her, allowing her to feel the pain, not trying to make everything okay for her. “I can imagine it is very, er, frustrating to have your child take a path much different than you planned for.”
    Pam moved away. “It’s not that at all,” she said, walking to the window. The waves crashing on the shoreline mirrored her emotions. “He’s behaving the way Jack did. The things I discovered about Jack are what Brent is doing. I don’t get it.” She turned to look at him. “Is it possible there is a hereditary factor?”
    Dan shook his head. “I’m no expert, but I don’t think so. Maybe he’s a combination of a personality type, someone who needs a lot of excitement, along with exposure. Brent heard all of this stuff about his dad and maybe it titillated him.”
    Pam looked shocked. “How could he have heard?” she asked, mortified. “From who?”
    “Look, Pam, the kid isn’t stupid. You’re going through hell after Jack died, and he sees it, and then he finds out both his mother and aunt have AIDS. I’m sure he figured out some of Jack’s behavior on his own. It’s not your fault Brent is going a little crazy, okay? You’ve said yourself what a great kid he was. Maybe he needed to move away from the pedestal everyone had him on for a bit.”
    She crossed her arms across her chest, suddenly cold. “So you don’t think I should confront him?”
    Dan