Read The Stiff and the Dead for Free Online Page B

he know?
    Helen leaned in close. “Keep your distance, Doubtme.” The words came out slowly, nearly silently and without her lips moving.
    Benny interrupted with, “Get her another coffee, light and sweet, Walt. Peggy’s a widow and used to being waited on.”
    Uncle Walt gave a slight bow and moved away, followed by Uncle Stash. I leaned against the wall and shut my eyes.
    â€œCall 911! Call 911!” Benny shouted.
    My eyes flew open in registered nurse mode. “What? What’s wrong?”
    He shook his hands as if to erase his words. “Holy mackerel, Peggy. I thought you was gonna pass out on us.”
    Oh, boy, again. I really had to have my wits about me in this place. Doing surveillance on Sophie to see how unhealthy she really was and did she need all the meds she got and trying to find the truth about Mr. W’s death was a hell of a lot harder than tailing a workers’ comp case.
    After an hour, I had forced down the third cup of coffee Uncle Walt had brought me, played six games of gin rummy with a mixed group of seniors, and watched my Uncle Stash flirt with every woman in the room. All the while, I made up a fake family of three married children, six male grandchildren, and a dead husband who had been a math schoolteacher all his life.
    Then, I set my sights on Sophie.
    Thank goodness my uncles didn’t seem to recognize me. I said a silent thanks to Goldie and my favorite saint, Saint Theresa, although I knew I should be mentioning something to Saint Jude, the patron saint of hopeless causes.
    Sophie walked to the food table, but not before several men came up to her to chat. Geez. Maybe size doesn’t matter. She sure seemed popular with the males.
    I wove my way through the gang now dancing the polka. Before someone could commandeer me to dance, I sidled up to Sophie. “Nice place this here is.”
    She turned, looked at my waistline. Goldie had stuffed some old sweaters into my underwear to make a wonderful elderly potbelly, but I was still only a size nine. Sophie was in double digits.
    â€œYeah, good cookies.”
    I made small talk with her until the cookie tray was empty and my stomach ached. I swore I wouldn’t eat desserts for weeks even if my mother made my favorite homemade chocolate cake with one-inch-thick frosting and eight ounces of cream cheese in it.
    I leaned nearer to her. “So, any of these guys capable of any action?”
    At first she hesitated, then she turned to me. “If they aren’t, things can be fixed.”
    I readied to ask what she meant when I felt a hand on my arm. I turned to see Joey the Wooer. Great.
    His smile nearly melted the last sugar cookie I held in my hand.
    â€œSo, Sophie, who’s-a the new bellisima?”
    Sophie introduced us and then split. I tried to get away, but found myself alone with Joey. Who would have thought a woman the size of Sophie could disappear so fast? Maybe she and Joey were in cahoots. Maybe they were working on the Viagra scam. Maybe he helped her commit prescription fraud.
    But he looked so damned dapper compared to every other man in there.
    Before I could think of a question to trip him up, he said, “ Bellisima, will you do me the honors?”
    Before I knew it, I was polkaing across the room in the arms of Joey the Wooer, all the while thinking I might be in the wrong profession.
    Also, how I was insane to come here.
    And, Joey smelled good.
    Damn good.
    What the hell?

Four
    Polkaing in the senior citizens center in Joey the Wooer’s arms was not like any nursing job I’ve ever worked on.
    If it weren’t for the fact that I had little knowledge of what to do to investigate Sophie Banko, this wasn’t a bad gig. But in my Polish stubbornness, I intended to investigate till I did know what to do.
    I inhaled Joey’s cologne.
    My insides tingled. What? I yanked myself free. Just because my body looked older, I shouldn’t be finding myself