I donât think of him every moment of every day. The only time I donât think of him is when Iâm fast asleepâthen every morning I wake up and I have to learn it again. So letâs just get on with it. . . .
âI want to keep Johnnie close,â she says now.
I put my hand on her wrist.
âOf course you do,â I say. âOf course you wouldnât want him to go.â
Perhaps Iâm lucky that both my children are girls. When I was younger, I felt Iâd love to have a son as well; but war changes everything. Even the things you hope for.
Mrs. du Barry brings our tea. The quilted tea cozy is shaped like a thatched cottage, and the milk jug has a crochet cover held in place by beads. There are cakes on a silver cakestandâBattenberg, cream slices, luxurious chocolate eclairs. I take a slice of Battenberg. We sip our tea and eat our cake, and watch as the sun sinks down in the sky and spreads its gold on the sea.
Gwen sighs.
âJohnnieâs such a worryâwhat he might get up to,â she says. âHeâs been a bit wild since it happened. Itâs not really anything heâs done, just what I feel he could do. . . .â
âItâs such a short time,â I tell her.
âHe worshipped his brother,â she says.
âYes.â
I remember Brianâs memorial serviceâhow Johnnie didnât cry, how he stood at attention, his face white as wax, his body so rigid, controlled. He made me think of a cello string stretched too tight, that might suddenly break. He troubled me. I know just why Gwen worries so about him.
âHe longs to do what Brian did,â she tells me. âHe wears Brianâs army jumper. And heâs got a box of Brianâs thingsâhis binoculars, and his shotgun that he used for shooting rabbits, and his famous collection of Dinky cars that he kept from when he was small. The box is Johnnieâs most precious possession, he keeps it under his bed.â
I feel a tug of sadness for Johnnie.
Weâre quiet for a moment. Itâs getting late, and Mrs. du Barry hangs the CLOSED sign on her door. My hands are sticky with marzipan from the Battenberg cake, and I wipe them on my handkerchief. The spicy scent of the marigolds is all around us.
And then I ask the question that looms at the front of my mindâvivid as neon, inescapable.
âGwen. What will happen?â
She leans a little toward me.
âTheyâll overlook us,â she says, too definitely. âDonât you think? Like in the Great War.â
âDo you really think so?â
âNobody bothered with us, during the Great War,â she says.
âThatâs true enough. But that was then . . .â
âI mean, what difference do we make to anything? What use could these little islands possibly be to Hitler?â Thereâs a note of pleading in her voice; perhaps itâs herself as much as me that sheâs trying to persuade. âMaybe he wonât think of us. Thatâs what I hope, anyway. Youâve got to hope, havenât you?â
But her hand holding the teacup is shaking very slightly, so the tea shivers all across its surface.
She clears her throat, which seems suddenly thick.
âAnyway, Vivienneâtell me more about all of you,â she says. Moving on to safer things.
âBlanche is unhappy,â I tell her. âShe terribly wanted to go.â
âWell, she would, of course,â says Gwen. âThere isnât much here for young people, you can see how sheâd long for London. And Millie?â
âSheâs being ever so brave, though she doesnât really understand.â
âSheâs a poppet,â says Gwen.
âAnd Evelynâwell, Iâm not sure sheâs quite right in her mind anymore. Half the time she seems to forget that Eugene joined up. . . .â I see the shadow that rapidly moves across Gwenâs face, at the mention of