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be done with their job. I guess that's my cue to catch up with my family.
    On my way I see Shana and decide to go and talk to her. When
I approach she looks up at me, but I'm still ten feet away and didn't want to
risk saying anything she wouldn't hear and trigger an awkward moment. I hold my
arms out as I clear the remaining distance and she accepts my hug with no
hesitation. She isn't crying, but I can tell the pain of losing her sister
hasn't dulled any from the day it happened.
    “I'm sorry for your loss,” I say for the tenth time. I feel
like since I’m her best friend, I should have more things to say than what
everyone else has already said.
    “Do you want me to stay over for shivah?” I ask. Sitting
shivah is another custom I don’t like. It’s when the mourning family stays in
their house and well, mourns, devoid of anything that would be considered
pleasurable. They don’t use hot water, shave, listen to music, or even leave
the house for a whole week! The only interaction they will even get is from
visitors like me and my family. It’s another custom I don’t want my family to
uphold, because all it will do is hurt them further after my death. Some may
not feel that way. Some may use the shivah as it’s intended, to set aside an
official period of time suitable for mourning and to let it all out, but not
me. It takes a while for her to muster a response, and she starts by shaking
her head.
    “Yeah, but some of my relatives will still be in town
visiting for the first couple days, so not until Thursday. I need you to let
the school know I won’t be back for a week,” she explains.
    Oh right... school. It's Tuesday today and we have that
essay to write. We haven't even started it, but I think Ms. Alder will forgive
us in light of the circumstances. That is, unless she shares Leanne's point of
view on my brother's survival.
     “Don't listen to Leanne,” she says, as if hearing my
thoughts.
    “Huh?” I say.
    “I overheard what she said. Don't listen to it. There's no
reason for her to believe that it's not fair Adam's okay,” she says.
    “Equal isn’t always fair,” I say in response.
    “Alyssa, it's time for us to get going, we need to give the
Hawthorn's some space with their family,” Dad calls. I turn and nod at him,
then turn back to Shana. “
    See you Thursday?” I ask. She gives me a forced smile and
nods.
    “Bring food,” she says. I turn back and head toward my
family. As I walk, my mind hops back to Leanne. If that's the way that she
really feels, then what about the others? Will all of them resent me?

 
5: The Sickness
     
     
     
     
     
     
    I walk through the entrance of my school. The Cherokee
County board of education is very creative with its school names. Here
we have Murphy Elementary, Murphy Middle, and my school, Murphy High. It’s very
shoddy though, and many residents of Murphy try to enroll their children into
the high school in Andrews; Andrews High. I remember late last year when I
walked through these doors in September. I bought into the myth that everyone
would size me up and shun me because of my freshman status and that I'd have
twenty pairs of eyes boring into my neck. I soon tossed that aside, but now I
am expecting those same burning gazes, not because I'm a freshman walking into
the high school building for the first time, but because I'm the “Lucky One.” I
am the only one of around fifteen students that didn't lose a sibling in the
crash. There are people in all grades that would happily switch places with me,
and like Leanne, they may resent me because that won't happen.
    I head straight into my first class, English. I walk into
the doors and I am almost relieved to see that Leanne is absent. That little
bit of relief drops when I see that Jason Larch is here, and he's giving me
that hateful glare I've been anticipating all morning. What I wouldn't give to
have Shana walking in with me right now. I try not to look at anyone else as I
find my way