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you?”
    “As a matter of fact, he was.”
    I studied her. “If I were to learn the art of brewing, how would I obtain such a master?”
    She studied me back for long moments. “Why, much the same way you learned the art of carpentry, I suppose.”
    And she walked off. I knew her secrets now, which was only fair, because she knew ours.
    I was eyeing the visiting cousin when she came back by. She sat at the table next to me. “I have a suggestion,” she said.
    I looked at her without comment.
    “When you want companionship and friendship, come on by and I’ll be glad to give you plenty of both.” I blinked at her in surprise. “But if you’re looking for…something else, go to a tavern far away from Tallow’s End, where you aren’t known, and your mother isn’t known.”
    Shame flushed my face. “You’re right,” I said after a moment. “I have been heedless of my mother’s feelings.”
    “I know she’s harsh. But she does love you. Why else would she not have turned you out years ago?”
    I looked at her, stricken, remembering the conversation I’d had with Mother after I had mortified her in the churchyard. Tears flooded my eyes, and I dropped my head in my arms and wept.
    “There, now.” she said, patting me on the back. “I know how it is. The life of a spinster is a lonely one. Watching other women marry around you, watching them have children, and then watching them become dissatisfied with their husbands. At least I had a husband to get me through for a few years.”
    “Sometimes I just want to die.”
    “But you can’t. You have a purpose, like we all do. You can come by here when you need someone to talk to. And I won’t ever pass judgment upon you.”
    And that’s how Harla and I became friends. It was an unexpected friendship, but one I needed. I went to her tavern at least twice a week where I drank lightly, but laughed heartily. I would go in the early evenings and sit on a stool at her bar in the corner, and there we would whisper and giggle about men.
    “Did I ever tell you about the night Willard didn’t show up at the barn?” I asked her once.
    “I bet that didn’t sit well with you,” she said with a cackle.
    “Lord, no. I waited for him all night, but when the cock crowed, I left. I didn’t want to be sport for his brothers again, you see.”
    “So what did you do?”
    “I waited for him at the edge of town. I knew he would be alone, because selling the produce in town was his job as the oldest son, now that his older brother was married.”
    “What did he do when he saw you?”
    “Believe me, he was surprised to see me. I said to him, ‘Let’s find a place.’ ‘Out here?’ he asked, and I swear his voice squeaked with shock. I told him that I couldn’t stand the thought of waiting until that night. And then…”
    I paused, lost in the memory.
    “And then?” Harla prompted.
    “He kissed me. It was as passionate a kiss as any girl could wish for.” I stopped and sighed. “And then, he pulled the cart into an alley—”
    “You’re jesting!”
    “—and he took me as I bent over the edge of the wagon.”
    Harla busted out laughing. “That couldn’t have been comfortable.”
    “You might be surprised,” I said. I remembered well that early morn. I had leaned on the hay on my forearms, my back arched like a cat to receive him, his hands clenching my hips. Our position was unmistakable, and I wondered every moment if we would get caught. “We were doing pretty good right up until a basket of apples upended all over me.”
    We looked at each other for a moment, and then we shrieked with laughter.
    “That put an end to that encounter,” I said through my laughter. “But to this day, I can’t eat an apple without thinking of that morning.”
    ***
    My love affairs were brief and my lovers were many. A merchant. A drover. A tax collector. All were advantageous to me in one way or another. None were true to me. All eventually discarded me for someone