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spun me around, pressing my face and body into the wall, his large hands eagerly moving all over me. The strength and ownership in his touch left me unable to think, unable to doubt what I was doing—oh the pleasure, the hunger, the rawness of my need. He picked me up and carried me to the kitchen. Somewhere along the way, he removed his clothes and mine. He lifted me on to the counter, my legs pressed round his hips, and for the first time in eight months I allowed a man to have me, and me him. The moment he entered me, I felt nothing but desire—and entitlement. I wanted this. My body wanted this . . . We were heat and passion, and then he carried me to the couch and we explored each other in numerous positions. He carried me to his bedroom, but not before we lingered in the hall. He pressed his lips against my ears, his breath hot, and talked dirty to me, his words and his deep voice flooding me with arousal. “You’re so fucking wet, I could cum right now,” he said, groaning into my ear. “But I’m not. Oh no, I’m going to . . . ” He lead, I followed, willingly, ardently, my body on fire.
    I was straddling him on his queen-size bed when he finished. He shuddered and moaned, and I knew he’d orgasmed hard. I lay forward onto his chest, which was slick with sweat, both of us breathing hard. My arms and legs trembled, even though I hadn’t climaxed. But I was okay with that. The tornado of what just transpired felt like one giant climax. Besides, it wasn’t fair to expect him to understand my body during our first encounter. His hands gently caressed my back, and a calm, comfortable silence enveloped us. I nuzzled my head into the crevice between his shoulder and neck and closed my eyes.
    And that’s when the tears came. Surprising and unexpected.
I fought to stop them. I knew my body was feeling and wanting to tell me something, but c’mon— NOW?
    “Hey,” Cal gently asked, “Are you okay?”
    “Yeah . . . I’m just a bit emotional, that’s all. It’s been a long time.”
    He hugged me tenderly. “ Shhh . . . it’s okay.” I carefully rolled off of him and snuggled into his chest. He continued touching me gently—my arms, my back—and my silent tears trickled down my face in the darkness.
    It felt so good to be touched again, to be held in the strong, comforting arms of a man. I had waited and waited so long for Graham. I had longed and ached for his touch and embrace with every part of my body and soul. And now, lying naked in this stranger’s arms, a wave of emotions swelled to life inside of me. I felt vulnerable and raw; alive. Having sex again had pushed vital life energy throughout my entire body, which had felt dead for so long. Sex had made me go inside this tomb and feel . And as I lay there with Cal, the concentrated energy in my heart began pressing against my throat: I was either going to sob uncontrollably or talk. The gates were opening and I couldn’t stop them.
    So I told him. I told him in less than a minute about Robert and Graham’s betrayals. My affair with Graham was something I’d sworn I’d never tell another man, if not for the humiliation but for the shame of it. But here it was anyway. I even told him about the baby. I confessed that I was still in love with Graham and my heart was broken. At that point, I got up, dressed, and left.
    I walked back to the bar knowing I had just made a complete fool out of myself. Talk about ruining a date! But I didn’t care. All I could think about was Graham. I got in my car and drove to his house. I was crying and smoked three cigarettes along the way. Tonight was the night I was going to show Graham my pain. He
deserved to see the aftermath of his choices. He deserved to witness this pile of rubble called Delaine.
    I walked to his door and rang his doorbell. It was 1:00 AM. He didn’t answer, so I rang it again. And again. But the lights were out and his truck wasn’t parked in the driveway. I knew he wasn’t home, but I