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toward the water, Josh said, "Stop. There. Just for a minute."
    So we did. And after a minute of us just waiting, he said to Tim and Rick, "Have you ever in your life seen such a beautiful sight as these two girls?" They both made noises like they liked it, too. Donna and I kind of moved a little when we realized they were staring at us like that... that close, you know? Tim said, "Look at the way the fire makes shadows on their skin." Donna and I looked at each other, then looked back toward them. They were hard to see because we were so close to the light and they were in the dark in the stream. Rick just said, "Please, please come into the water with us." We did.
    It was so amazing. The way they felt when we got close under the water, soft and slippery, was like I was dreaming. I'd never felt anything so nice and so close to what I'd fantasized about. All of them had... hard... hard... I guess I'll call them cocks, because "penis" sounds like a word you only read in Sex Ed books. So they were all hard.
    And I said (mainly because I knew Donna was more freaked out than I was by all of this), I said, "Let's make tonight a play night... we can all go home with that nice feeling of wishing more had happened... ? Donna and I are not going to go all the way with you."
    When it came out of my mouth, I couldn't believe it for a second. Who was talking? What was I, Laura Palmer-thirteen years old-doing out here in the woods like this with three naked boys nine years older than I am?
    They all said okay, but Josh said, "Can we at least touch you, and maybe get a kiss?" Donna looked at me the same way she did a year ago when Maddy was talking about kissing. I told them I didn't mind, but if Donna did, they couldn't force her. Something tells me now, when I look back, that this was probably the most excited these guys had been, ever. I don't think they would have done anything bad even if we had asked for it, because they were just as scared. It was such a personal and strange night. It was like the woods got us all acting crazy, like the trees and the fact that it had gotten dark made us forget anything else existed. It was eight-thirty and we only had about an hour until we would have to go back home.
    I kneeled down in the stream in front of Josh and got my hair wet. Then, I looked at him and I said, "You can touch them if you want to. It's okay." So he was real slow, and he put his hands on my breasts, which have gotten to be a good size, I think, for my age, and he shook for a second, like he was amazed.
I felt like I was on top of the world. I was making this twenty-two-year-old boy go crazy inside!
He touched them, then touched just my nipples, and I had a hard time not saying how good that felt, so I laughed.
    Tim started touching Donna's breasts, and she just watched him silently as he did it. Rick didn't have anyone to be with so I said, "You can touch me, too... but remember, we all made a deal... right?" He nodded and crawled in the water up to me and put his mouth on my nipple. I had to close my eyes so that they wouldn't come out of my head completely. It felt so incredible! I couldn't help but think of the guy in the photo in the Book House, and even if this sounds weird, I'm going to say it.
    I had the sexiest thought that he was nursing on me. Like inside me was all of the warmth and nourishment he would ever need... this older boy, needing me. I felt strong and almost like I was making a fantasy for them. Josh put his mouth on my other nipple, and Tim and Donna moved away from us a little in the water and just started talking. Then Donna got out with Tim and got dressed and just sat by the fire... talking more. I didn't care, or couldn't care. I wasn't going to stop this until I had to, it felt too good to spoil it.
    I whispered to Josh and Rick that I had a wish that one of them would kiss me, real soft and slow... and that maybe the other could keep touching me the way they were doing already. Rick said Josh could