Read The Science of Discworld II for Free Online Page B

would probably work.’
    â€˜The omniscope locates them in approximately the 40,002,730,907 th century,’ said Ponder, staring at the globe. ‘I can’t get an image. But if we can find a way to the nearest library—’
    â€˜Ook!’ said the Librarian. And then he ooked some more. He ooked at length, with an occasional eek. Once he thumped his fist on the table. He didn’t need to thump the table a second time. There wasn’t, at that point, much in the way of table left to thump.
    â€˜He says only very senior librarians can use L-space,’ said Rincewind, as the Librarian folded his arms. ‘He was quite emphatic. He says it’s not to be treated like some kind of magic funfair ride.’
    â€˜But it’s an order from the Archchancellor!’ said Ponder. ‘There isn’t any other way to get there!’
    The Librarian looked a little uncertain at that. Rincewind knew why. It was hard to be an orangutan in Unseen University, and the only way the Librarian had been able to deal with it was by acknowledging Mustrum Ridcully as the alpha male, even though the Archchancellor seldom climbed up to a high place on the rooftops and called mournfully over the city at dawn. This meant that, unlike the other wizards, he found it very hard to shrug off an archchancelloric command. It was a direct, fang-revealing, chest-beating challenge.
    Rincewind had an idea.
    â€˜If we put the globe in the Library,’ he said to the ape, ‘then that would mean that even though you are travelling in L-space you would not be taking Mr Stibbons anywhere outside the Library. I mean, the globe would be inside the library, so even though you’d wind up in the globe, you really wouldn’t have travelled very far at all. A few feet, maybe. The globe’s only infinite on the inside, after all.’
    â€˜Well, Rincewind, I am impressed ,’ said Ponder, while the Librarian looked perplexed. ‘I’d always thought of you as rather stupid, but that was a remarkable piece of verbal reasoning. If we put the globe down right on the Librarian’s desk, say, then the whole journey would take place inside the library, right?’
    â€˜Exactly,’ said Rincewind, who was prepared to overlook ‘ratherstupid’ in view of this unexpected praise.
    â€˜And it’s perfectly safe in the library, after all …’
    â€˜Big thick walls. Very safe place,’ Rincewind agreed.
    â€˜So, put like that, no harm will come to us,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜There you go with the “us” again,’ said Rincewind, backing away.
    â€˜We’ll find them and bring them back!’ said Ponder. ‘How hard can it be?’
    â€˜It can be incredibly hard! There’s elves there! You know elves! They are dangerous! Drop your guard for a moment and they can control your mind!’
    â€˜They chased me through some woods once,’ said Ponder. ‘They are very frightening. I remember writing that down in my diary.’
    â€˜You wrote down in your diary that you were scared?’
    â€˜Yes. Why not? Don’t you?’
    â€˜I haven’t got a big enough diary. But it makes no sense! There’s nothing on the Roundworld that elves would be interested in! They like to have … slaves. And we’ve never seen anything evolve that’s bright enough to be a slave.’
    â€˜You might have missed something,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜No, I say you, you say we,’ said Rincewind.
    They both stared at the globe.
    â€˜Look, it’s like having a pot plant,’ said Ponder. ‘If it has greenfly, you try to squash them.’
    â€˜ I never do that,’ said Rincewind. ‘Greenfly may be small, but there’s a lot of them …’
    â€˜It was a metaphor, Rincewind,’ said Ponder, wearily.
    â€˜â€¦ I mean, supposing they decide to gang up?’
    â€˜Rincewind, you are the only other person here who