Read The Plough and the Stars for Free Online Page B

proddin’ at me! Did you hear him murmurin’ ‘cuckoo’ when we were passin’?
    Fluther    ( irritably ) I wouldn’t be everlastin’ cockin’ me ear to every little whisper that was floatin’ around about me! It’s my rule never to lose me temper till it would be dethrimental to keep it. There’s nothin’ derogatory in th’ use o’ th’ word ‘cuckoo’, is there?
    Peter    ( tearfully ) It’s not th’ word; it’s th’ way he says it: he never says it straight out, but murmurs it with curious quiverin’ ripples, like variations on a flute!
    Fluther    Ah, what odds if he gave it with variations on a thrombone! ( To Mrs Gogan ) What’s yours goin’ to be, ma’am?
    Mrs Gogan    BessieBessie Ah, a half o’ malt, Fluther.
    Fluther    ( to Barman ) Three halves, Tommy.
    The Barman brings the drinks.
    Mrs Gogan    ( drinking ) The Foresthers’ is a gorgeous dhress! I don’t think I’ve seen nicer, mind you, in a pantomime … Th’ loveliest part of th’ dhress, I think, is th’ osthrichess plume … When yous are goin’ along, an’ I see them wavin’ an’ noddin’ an’ waggin’, I seem to be lookin’ at each of yous hangin’ at th’ end of a rope, your eyes bulgin’ an’ your legs twistin’ an’ jerkin’, gaspin’ an’ gaspin’ for breath while yous are thryin’ to die for Ireland!
    Fluther    If any o’ them is hangin’ at the end of a rope, it won’t be for Ireland!
    Peter    Are you goin’ to start th’ young Covey’s game o’ proddin’ an’ twartin’ a man? There’s not many that’s talkin’ can say that for twenty-five years he never missed a pilgrimage to Bodenstown!
    Fluther    You’re always blowin’ about goin’ to Bodenstown. D’ye think no one but yourself ever went to Bodenstown?
    Peter    ( plaintively ) I’m not blowin’ about it; but there’s not a year that I go there but I pluck a leaf off Tone’s grave, an’ this very day me prayer-book is nearly full of them.
    Fluther    ( scornfully ) Then Fluther has a vice versa opinion of them that put ivy leaves into their prayer-books, scabbin’ it on th’ clergy, an’ thryin’ to out-do th’haloes o’ th’ saints be lookin’ as if he was wearin’ around his head a glittherin’ aroree boree allis! ( Fiercely ) Sure, I don’t care a damn if you slep’ in Bodenstown! You can take your breakfast, dinner, an’ tea on th’ grave in Bodenstown, if you like, for Fluther!
    Mrs Gogan    Oh, don’t start a fight, boys, for God’s sake; I was only sayin’ what a nice costume it is – nicer than th’ kilts, for, God forgive me, I always think th’ kilts is hardly decent.
    Fluther    Ah, sure, when you’d look at him, you’d wondher whether th’ man was makin’ fun o’ th’ costume, or th’ costume was makin’ fun o’ th’ man!
    Barman    Now, then, thry to speak asy, will yous? We don’t want no shoutin’ here.
    The Covey, followed by Bessie Burgess, comes in. They go over to the opposite end of the counter, and direct their gaze on the other group.
    The Covey    ( to Barman ) Two glasses o’ malt.
    Peter    There he is, now; I knew he wouldn’t be long till he folleyed me in.
    Bessie    ( speaking to the Covey, but really at the other party ) I can’t for th’ life o’ me undherstand how they can call themselves Catholics, when they won’t lift a finger to help poor little Catholic Belgium.
    Mrs Gogan    ( raising her voice ) What about poor little Catholic Ireland?
    Bessie    ( over to Mrs Gogan ) You mind your own business, ma’am, an’ stupefy your foolishness be gettin’ dhrunk.
    Peter    ( anxiously ) Take no notice of her; pay no attention to her. She’s just tormentin’ herself towards havin’ a row with somebody.
    Bessie    There’s a storm of anger tossin’ in me heart, thinkin’ of all th’ poor Tommies, an’ with them me own son, dhrenched in water an’ soaked in blood, gropin’ their way to a shattherin’