Read The Perfect Emotion for Free Online Page B

think back to what my therapist told me and remember that I need to open up a little.
    “Yes, I play tennis with him on Saturday’s usually.  Although, I didn’t go this Saturday because I was studying.” 
    “Do you talk though?” She asks casually, but I know for me talking about Reed will never be casual. My heart hurts thinking about him.
    “No, I just can’t. I don’t feel ready.” I pause before I let the next words fall from mouth freely. “But I miss him.”
    My mom doesn’t respond, but instead reaches over and gently pulls my hand into hers comfortingly.  I let her; it feels good to be comforted by her.  Our food comes shortly after and we eat talking about nothing really important the rest of the meal.  I find myself smiling and laughing every so often.  Once we finish she drives me back to my dorm.  I look at her before I’m about to open the door and my eyes start to well up. 
    “Thanks mom.” This time the word mom flows out of my mouth without a hitch in my breath. 
    “No, thank you, sweetie.  I miss and love you so much.  Everything is going to be okay.  When you are ready we will talk more.”  She pulls me over towards her and wraps her arms firmly around me telling me how proud she is of me and how important I am to her.  Tears begin to drip from my overflowing eyes.  Then she says, “And when you are ready you should tell Reed what he means to you.”
     
     

C HAPTER 5

    I stretch out in my bed with a feeling I haven’t felt in a while.  My breathing is calm, even and easy.  The tightness I usually wake to feels absent.  The relief spreading through me is refreshing and I know that it has everything to do with the therapy session … and more than anything the dinner with my mom.  I’ve realized that hope has all possibilities wrapped up in that one emotion.  Hope can lead you to endless or limited outcomes.  Sometimes hope just isn’t enough.  But, today I feel hopeful and it feels good.  I stop myself from letting my mind drift to any dark outcomes.  I admit that things are progressing with my mom in a positive direction and I can’t deny myself how good it feels.  The words of my therapist run through my mind about putting myself out there and how that does not automatically mean abandonment or heartbreak. 
    I pick up my phone to see that it’s after nine, which is later than I had planned on getting up.  Luckily, I don’t have any tests today.  Today I’ll have to spend the day at the library working on my paper.  Then Friday I’ll have my last test for accounting.  I can’t even think about spring break until this week is over.  I click through my phone to see I have a few text messages.
Katherine, how have your tests gone?  Keep up the good work. Xoxo Dad
    I send a quick reply to tell him that my tests have gone well and what I have left for the week.  I also tell him that I had dinner with mom.  I don’t add any details, but I know he will know that it is positive considering this is the first time I went to dinner with her. 
    I scroll down to the next text and see a number that I don’t recognize. I hesitate for a moment because the area code is from back home. I’m afraid it will be from the one person I don’t want to hear from, Kyle. I hover over clicking the screen and then curiosity kills me. I click.
Hi, it’s me, Kyle. Will you be home next week? Please meet with me. A lot has changed. I still miss you.
    I swear I gasp aloud and my heartbeat stops for a moment.  I guess I kind of knew this would happen eventually.  I’ve seen the emails come every week, but chose to ignore them, which I still think is the best way to handle Kyle.  I’m not sure how he got my number.  Lying back against the wall I press my eyes closed and images of that night flit through my head.  Kyle yelling in my face, pushing me down on the bed, grabbing at me, his mouth forceful on my lips, the fighting… blood… Reed, Kyle and lastly me being