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whipped her back around to face me. “Because I thought it was a fucking dream!”
She just kinda blinked at me for a second before she opened her mouth. “What?”
“The next morning when I woke up, you were gone. And when I asked you about that night you didn’t remember anything . Not what happened at the club, not what happened after that, nothing. I mean, what was I supposed to think, Nualla? I loved you so fucking much. So much I could have drunkenly made it all up in my head. And you were my best—hell you were practically my only friend—and I couldn’t risk losing you.”
She looked at me with tear-filled eyes, and I let go of my hold on her wrist.
I looked down because I couldn’t bear to continue looking at the look of betrayal in her eyes. “If you had remembered—even the tiniest bit of it—I would have said something, but…”
“You’ve thought this whole time that that night was all just in your head?” Nualla asked in startled disbelief.
“Yes,” I whispered, because my voice was caught by the lump that was forming in my throat.
She took my hand in hers—the hand I had broken punching the mirror—and slowly ran her fingers over it. “I can remember all of it now, you know. I couldn’t before, but I can now. I remember the way you said my name. The way you ran your fingers over my—” she finally looked up at me.
I tried to get my breathing under control, because even though I was certain that someday soon I would finally be able to let her go, today wasn’t that day. But still, I made myself say the words. “The universe where you and I were meant to be together is out there, so very far away.”
“I know,” she said in a small voice. “So what do we do now?”
“If you’re coming to me for answers, we’re both frakked,” I said with a self-deprecating snort.
“Look, I need to go get ready for work, but if you need anything—anything at all—you call me, okay?” I couldn’t tell what was more unsettling, that someone had waited until now to leak those pictures, or that they had sparked long-buried memories in Nualla. Or worse still, that the person who posted them didn’t care about violating the Minors Privacy Act.
“’Kay,” she promised as she reached out to me for a hug.
I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on the top of her head. I had missed this—missed being close to her—missed seeing her. Because of The Embassy closure, and the fact that Patrick was living at my apartment, I hadn’t had that many opportunities to see her in the last few weeks. And I wasn’t afraid to admit that without her, it still felt like a piece of my soul was missing.
“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, beating me too it.
“I’ve missed you too,” I agreed with a small smile.
We stood like that for awhile before she pulled away and looked at me appraisingly. “By the way, why are you wearing a suit?”
“Halloween costume.”
“Ah,” she said as she leaned back into my chest. “You look good in it.”
“Thanks, Nulala,” I said as I pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head. I waited for her to correct me or protest, but she didn’t.
“Hey, you didn’t yell at me.”
“Yeah, well, you never listened anyways.”
I grinned mischievously at her, but then it faded just as easily. “Look, Nualla, I know I have no right to ask you this but…will you please at least talk to him? This staying apart is destroying the both of you, and I’m stuck here in the middle feeling like I’m watching you both slowly drown.”
She looked at me for a moment before she looked at her feet. “I’ve picked up the phone to call him a dozen times but…I just can’t seem to make myself hit the buttons.”
“Will you keep trying, for me at least?” I pleaded.
After a long moment of consideration she bit her lip and nodded.
“And I’ll get to work on a program to search all the instances of those pictures and delete