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little brother and my favourite cousin stepped over the guardrail. They sat together on the side of the yacht like conjoined twins – their arms around the fender, their legs dangling over the edge.
    I stood behind them, clinging to the guardrail and gasping for breath. I was desperately trying to hold it together, but I was freaking out. What if I never saw them again? The thought made my eyes instantly fill with tears. Toughen up, Johnno, you’ve got to do this , I told myself and in a second I had let go of the guardrail and grabbed the back of Matt’s and George’s life jackets. It was time. I had to give them a push into the water while secretly fighting the urge to haul them back on deck.
    ‘After the next wave, jump out as far as you can,’ I croaked, unable to hide the fear in my voice.
    I shot a look behind us. A big roller was coming, all green and quivering. The Dolphin rose up as it came underneath us then slid back down as the wave passed, on its way to shore.
    The water under the yacht was flat and relatively calm for a second.
    ‘Now! Go, go, go,’ I urged, giving George and Matt the biggest shove I could.
    I watched them both drop into the water and disappear momentarily before bobbing up again about ten metres closer to shore. When the next wave broke over them, they were forced under. And when it passed, there was no sign of them.
    Fighting the urge to keep looking until I saw them again, I went back to Nick. He was still at the wheel, pulling it hard in a stubborn attempt to steer The Dolphin to safety. But even I knew that was a lost cause. We were drifting faster now, less than a dozen boat lengths from the rocks at the far end of the beach.
    ‘C’mon, mate,’ I said, struggling to get the words past the basketball-size lump in my throat. ‘Our turn.’
    Clutching the fender tight against my chest, I helped Nick over the rail at the stern. When the next wave passed, we slipped off the edge together.
    I hit the water with a stinging smack and sank deeper than I was prepared for. Salt water shot up my nostrils and burned in my mouth. The fender I had tied to my waist pulled loose. It slipped through my grasp like a piece of soap and vanished. With the fender gone, I felt suspended in an inky darkness. There was no up or down, just a crushing force on my chest and an ache in my ears.
    I didn’t even know if Nick was there until I felt him panicking right next to me. Feeling the sting of his nails down my face, I shoved him in the chest. It was pure instinct and straightaway I tried to pull him back close. But he lashed out with his foot and kicked me hard on the side of my head. In the few dizzying seconds it took to get my bearings, Nick was gone, lost in the darkness.
    With bursting lungs, my only wish was for air. I pushed upwards, frantically, gasping as I broke through the surface into the air. A wave broke over me, forcing me back under. Two more waves slammed over me before I finally surfaced, sucking in lungfuls of air. A flash of lightning lit up the sea: grey-green waves all puckered by the pelting rain. For the instant the light lasted I twisted and turned, looking all around for Nick.
    But there was no sign of him.
    ‘Nick! Nick!’ I screamed between mouthfuls of water. He isn’t still down there, is he? Frantic now, I tried in vain to push myself higher out of the water, my head swivelling back and forth, scanning the water for a sign of him. But there was nothing. Diving under was no good either. The water below was dark and thick with churning sand.
    Back on the surface, tears welled in my eyes as I yelled his name over and over. I let him go … God, I let him go. My whole body ached at the realisation. I felt a different type of wave wash over me, a wave of exhaustion, of defeat. With it, my legs and arms stopped moving. The water was like acid, stinging my eyes and burning my throat. I couldn’t fight it any longer. I felt myself sinking.
    Under the water I became aware of