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because it would get him away from that slut of a secretary at his current office. The right firm would also get them both started on the social ladder that existed at the state capital in Albany. She should have been spending her time finding out about the big firms in Albany, figuring out who was who in the upper echelons of state politics, checking out which law firms were making the most money and winning the most important clients. Instead she was sitting on her bed, gazing across the lawn at the neighbor’s house, wondering where he was and whether he’d ever come back and watch her in her bedroom.
    The craziest thing about it all was that she seemed to got more of a thrill out of being watched by the neighbor than she did actually having sex with her husband. She’d even fooled around with that parking valet at
Terroni’s
, flirting with him shamelessly and even letting him touch her. That had been a brief but dangerous moment of absolute senselessness. It was just madness, plain and simple. She’d been aroused so utterly that day by the neighbor’s watching her that she’d acted out of character and allowed the valet to touch her. She’d even acted provocatively with him the following morning, flirting shamelessly and making suggestive comments when she’d gone back to get her car, but of course nothing had happened. She couldn’t explain that behavior. Was she beginning to lose it? She had a full life to lead with Ben, he was going to be a successful lawyer and the two of them were going to climb the ladder to wealth, success and happiness. If he caught her fooling around with parking attendants he’d flip out. She’d lose everything. What had she been thinking?
    That wasn’t her. She wasn’t one to act so recklessly that she’d jeopardize everything she’d worked for in her life. She had a good, loving husband, even if he wasn’t perfect, and she should be doing everything she could to help him advance his career right now.
    She got up off the bed and went into the bathroom. It was ten in the morning and she wasn’t even out of her pajamas yet. She had to get a hold of herself. She couldn’t spend the rest of the summer moping around hoping the neighbor would come home and watch her making a fool of herself. She got in the shower and let the hot water wash over her body, trying to get a feeling of reinvigoration and life into her bones. She’d shake herself out of this rut she’d fallen into.
    After her shower she got dressed and went downstairs, determined to be productive. She made coffee and toast and after she’d eaten she got the laundry organized. The laundry room in the new house was really nice. They had new, front-loading appliances that came with the house. Ben hadn’t wanted to pay for them but Janey pleaded and begged and finally he’d agreed.
    She took a pair of Ben’s pants from the washer and felt something in the pocket. She reached in and pulled out a candy wrapper. Then she dropped it on the ground. Her face flushed red and she felt as if she’d just been slapped hard across the cheek. She felt hot. It was as if the entire room had gotten hotter. It wasn’t a candy wrapper at all. It was a condom wrapper.
    She and Ben didn’t use condoms. She was on the pill. He was still screwing other women. It must have been from being with Suzy.
    She touched her cheek with the back of her hand. It did feel hot. She went to the sink and ran the cold water and washed her face with it. She washed away her tears and tried to convince herself that she hadn’t been crying at all.
    Why was Ben doing this to her? She couldn’t bear the thought of it. She’d tried to convince herself that she didn’t care what Ben did, that she was stronger than this and that it didn’t matter if he fooled around with his secretary, but it did no good. The pain ran sharp and deep. She wasn’t strong enough to overlook this. She shut off the water and breathed deeply, trying to regain her composure. She