The Missing Girl
when Fancy’s mouth starts going. It is so wicked hard you almost can’t do it, you almost have to say something . It’s like wanting to pee, it has to come out, doesn’t it? And when Fancy says you gave her the notebook, you almost burst, but Mim gives you another one of those looks you hate, with her lips all pressed tight.
    Finally it’s your turn to talk, and you tell Mim how Fancy took your notebook, without permission, and how it’s private and all that, and now Fancy has to keep quiet and just listen to you, and she keeps wriggling around and raising her hand, but Mim just shakes her head and pats Fancy’s hand. And you talk and talk and tell everything .
    When you’re done, Mim says, “Hmm” and “I see,” and she doesn’t make Fancy apologize or anything. Instead, she says for you and Fancy to each think of something 61

    nice to say about the other.
    “I can’t think of anything,” you say, which isn’t really true, but you are still a little bit mad at Fancy. Then you sigh and say, “Uh, well, okay. Lots of times she makes me laugh and be cheerful.”
    “Yeah,” Mim says. “So true! Your turn now, Fancy.”
    “I have two funny parts,” she says. “Part One! Autumn tells me the best stories of anybody in the world. Part Two!
    A funny story came in my head that you ”—she giggles and flattens her hand against Mim’s nose—“make your boyfriend be quiet all the time and listen to you talk, talk, talk.”
    “That is funny, except I don’t have a boyfriend,” Mim says.
    “Yes, you do,” Fancy says. “All girls have boyfriends.”
    “No, they don’t,” Mim says. And she laughs.
    “Yes, yes, yes, they do,” Fancy says. “And you have to have a boyfriend, Mim my sister, because you are sooo pretty, and boys like pretty ladies and girls, and someday I will be a pretty lady and have a boyfriend, and he will kiss me like this.” She makes a fat fish mouth and loud, smacky kissing sounds.
    “Fancy, don’t be thinking about boys all the time,” you say. “You have to think about school and learning stuff.”
    62

    Mim gives you that nice look that means, Good for you, Autumn, we all have to watch out for Fancy. Then she says in her soft voice, “I know you want some alone time to write in your notebook, Autumn,” and she tells Fancy to come down to the kitchen with her and she will make hot chocolate. Fancy bounces to her feet and takes Mim’s hand, and they both leave the room.
    You can’t believe it! Mim didn’t even ask if you want hot chocolate, too. Which you do! When you think how much you love hot chocolate and how hot chocolate would be so perfect right now, tears well up in your eyes, and you fling yourself on your bed. You pull the pillow over your face, and you mumble, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
    What are you sorry for? Everything . You’re sorry you called Fancy a stinking brat, you’re sorry that you told Stevie you hated her, and you’re sorry that what you write in the notebook is so stupid, but most of all you’re sorry for yourself, because they —your parents, your sisters—
    don’t love you. At least not very much, at least not enough, and not the way you want them to love you—as if you’re the one person in the world who really matters.
    63

    BIG MAD BEE
    HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, I’m having The
    Urge because I’m mad. I am sooo mad. I am mad like a big mad bee, because my mommy makes me stay home and on our street all the time, like right now, I can just stay on our sidewalk, because everyone is busy and it’s Saturday and no school. She says later maybe I can go for candy at Mrs. Wilkins’s nice little store on the corner, and maybe I can go to Lafayette Park with Autumn my sister, but she says probably not the park because she worries I’ll get my feet wet and get sick, like last winter when I got pneumonia and she had to take me to the doctor and give me medicine.
    64

    My mommy worries about everything in the whole world.

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