great big weight inside her chest, a pair of sweaty fists closed tight around her lungs. Her own ignominy she could wear, but the shame when she thought of Nancy was crushing. She still felt the pressing need to apologise, to explain that it had all been a terrible lapse in judgement, that sheâd never meant to peddle in false hope. Donald knew her well: âAnd Sparrowââ his parting words before he packed her off to Cornwallââdonât even think of getting in touch with the grandmother.â He hadnât added that she should stay the hell away from the little girl; he probably figured he didnât need to, not after sheâd been officially reprimanded when the father lodged his complaint.
Louder this time: âRamsay! Where are you, boy?â
Sadie strained, listening. A startled bird, the beat of heavy wings high in the canopy. Her gaze was drawn up through the lattice of branches to the white speck of a plane unpeeling the pale blue sky behind it. The plane was heading east towards London and she watched its progress with an odd sense of dislocation. Unfathomable to think that the swirl of life, her life, continued there without her.
She hadnât heard from Donald since sheâd left. She hadnât expected to, not really, not yet, it had only been a week and heâd insisted she take a full monthâs leave. âI can come back earlier if I want to, right?â Sadie had said to the young man in HR, his confusion making it evident this was the first time heâd been asked. âYouâd better not,â Donald had growled afterwards. âI see you back here before youâre ready and I kid you not, Sparrow, Iâll go straight to Ashford.â He would, too, she knew. He was heading for retirement and not about to let his unhinged deputy ruin it for him. With no other choice, Sadie had packed a bag, tucked her tail between her legs, and driven down to Cornwall. Sheâd left Donald with Bertieâs phone number, told him mobile reception was a bit hit and miss, and held out hope heâd summon her back.
A low rumbling came from beside her and she glanced down. Ash was standing as rigid as a statue, staring into the woods beyond. âWhatâs the matter, boy? Donât like the smell of self-pity?â The fur of his neck bristled, his ears swivelled, but his focus didnât shift. And then Sadie heard it too, far off in the distance. Ramsay, a barkânot of alarm, perhaps, but unusual all the same.
An uncharacteristic maternal streak, vaguely disturbing, had come over Sadie since the dogs had adopted her, and when Ash gave another deep growl she capped her water bottle. âCome on then,â she said, tapping her thigh. âLetâs go find that brother of yours.â
Her grandparents hadnât had dogs when theyâd lived in London; Ruth had been allergic. But after Ruth died and Bertie retired to Cornwall, heâd floundered. âIâm doing all right,â heâd told Sadie down the whistling phone line. âI like it here. I keep busy during the day. The nights are quiet, though; I find myself arguing with the telly. Worse, I have a strong suspicion Iâm losing.â
It had been an attempt to make light of things but Sadie had heard the crack in his voice. Her grandparents had fallen in love as teenagers. Ruthâs father had made deliveries to Bertieâs parentsâ shop in Hackney, and theyâd been inseparable ever since. Her grandfatherâs grief was palpable and Sadie had wanted to say the perfect thing, to make it all better. Words had never been her strong suit, though, and so, instead, sheâd suggested he might stand a better chance arguing with a labrador. Heâd laughed and told her heâd think about it, and next day heâd gone down to the animal shelter. In typical Bertie fashion, heâd come home with not one but two dogs and a cranky cat in tow. From