because the ground never freezes? Only us! All because of her power, which she uses only to serve them.
And yet, they seem cowed and uneasy as they look up at me. Suddenly this paint on my face feels like a prison. I want to scrape it from my skin and burst forth, vengeful and shouting. Instead I sit placidly as my bearers jog up the road to the temple, which sits at the northernmost tip of the peninsula that juts like a giant, curving thumb deep into the waters of the Motherlake.
I hold my head high as we move. I want everyone to see that I, for one, am not scared. Iâm not. Iâm not . Yes, my heart is beating like a dragonflyâs wings. Yes, my palms are sweating over the armrests of my grand chair. But thatâs only because Iâm hot and frustrated. Not because Iâm scared for my Valtia. Sheâll crush those Soturi. I saw the promise in her eyes.
She doesnât break her promises.
The bearers mount the steps leading up to the temple. The blond young man at the right front side, the one who tried to steal an extra peek at my face, stumbles halfway up. My paarit lurches forward, and I grit my teeth to hold in the scream. But before I topple off the chair, the corner jerks upward. Kaukoâwho always remains behind to guard the temple on ceremony daysâstands in the pillared entrance to the domed chamber, his fist raised as he commands the swirling icy-hot air around my paarit. The elder releases his grip only when an apprentice rushes forward and grabs the pole. As the blond bearer stammers his frantic apologies, more apprentices and acolytes crowd around, helping the bearers heft the weight of my paarit and my dress and my useless, as-yet-unmagical body. We move up the steps again.
A few minutes later theyâve put me down and disappeared, leaving me alone in my own corridor, waiting for my maids. More than anything, I need Mim, and itâs all I can do not to call her name. But before I reach my breaking point, sheâs at my side, taking my arm and guiding me off my paarit and into my chamber.
âDo you want the others to come help?â she asks me.
âNo. Please. Can you just do it?â Right now I couldnât stand to have all the maids quivering with anxiety and whispering gossip as they work on me.
She gives me a quick nod and undresses me with practiced fingers. She huffs with strain as she lifts my dress from the floor and strides to the door with it. I close my eyes as I listen to her giving the other maids orders to put it back in its special case in the catacombs below the temple. Sheâs gone but a moment and then I feel a cool, dripping cloth on my chest, wiping the lead paint from my skin. âPlease hurry,â I say, my fists clenching and unclenching.
âI am, Elli,â she replies in a strained voice. âI know this is hard. I know youâre scared.â
âIâm not scared!â I shriek, so abruptly that she stumbles back. âHow dare you suggest that? Your doubt is probably weighing heavy on her, right when she most needs her strength!â My voice breaks over the rocks of my rage. I canât get the sight of the Valtiaâs bandaged arms out of my head.
Mimâs eyes are round as dinner plates. âS-s-aadella,â she stammers, âIâm so sorry.â
The shock on her face brings me so much shame that it burns. Tears start in my eyes and overflow in a mere second. âApologies,â I whisper. âPlease continue.â
She approaches me as if Iâm a wounded bear, and I feel like Iâm going to be sick. But I hold everything inside as she finishes cleaning my chest and neck and face. She gingerly removes my copper circlet, then draws my arms through my nightgown and pulls it down over my head. âWould you like something to eat?â
âIâll be eating with the Valtia when she returns.â I take a step backward. âUntil then, Iâll be on my balcony.â I