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First my husband
announces he’s leaving me, and as if that isn’t enough, he rips my home out
from underneath me.  My eyes are prickling again, and inside I’m
screaming, silently, at the unfairness of it all.
    ‘It may not be a bad thing, Louisa,’
says Agnes most sensibly, when I put the phone down and start wailing. ‘It’s
not going to be easy to get over Arian while you’re living in the house that
you shared.’
    I snivel a bit longer then dry my
blotchy face.  I know she’s right – but it’s just too much, too soon. 
I’d rather wait until I’m feeling stronger – but Agnes has other ideas.
    ‘It may be quite good timing, you know.
 Now, a friend of mine has a holiday cottage that she’s thinking of
renting out long term. It’s only round the corner from here, too.  I think
she’s fed up with the constant stream of people in and out of it, and would
rather just not have the worry. Would you like me to have a word with her on
your behalf?’
    My mouth drops open.  Agnes is
truly a miracle. 
    ‘Please...if it’s not too much trouble.
There’s Elmer of course too. Do you think your friend would mind her there?’
  My voice quakes.   I can’t possibly lose
Elmer, now of all times.
    ‘Leave it to me,’ says Agnes briskly.
‘I’m sure it won’t be a problem.’
    I feel instantly reassured, knowing that
if Agnes says it won’t be a problem, everything will be fine. And so I end up
pulling myself together and being most sensible, agreeing with her that this
somewhat fortuitous development might indeed be quite a good thing after all.
    In the event, after umpteen costly
meetings with solicitors, Arian agrees, most magnanimously, to split the equity
down the middle.  Oh how generous of him.  He and Karina of course,
with their combined pilot mega-salaries, will be able to afford a huge mansion
with nobs on.  On my meagre wages, I’ll be lucky if I can find a pig sty.
 I resign myself to my new lowly status, which is apparently no less than
I deserve.
    In the end, it’s all settled remarkably quickly.
 He doesn’t want any of our furniture, and actually, neither do I. 
After all, everything in our house that we chose together now feels tainted,
and nor do I want anything that reminds me of HIM.  The only exception is
an ancient table that used to belong to my Granny.
    He leaves another message, telling me
he’ll be collecting his clothes and old flying manuals. Too late, that woman
spurned re-emerges and wishes she’d thought to burn them before he got
here…  Or at least unpicked all his crotches.   Far more subtle than cutting them up.  How funny
would it be if he found himself in the middle of Heathrow Airport, a fine
figure of an airline captain basking in all these admiring looks, suddenly
aware of a howling draft around his privates.  I
find the idea childishly appealing. Sadly, I’m deprived of the
opportunity.  He comes in while I’m at work and also takes the mower.
Well, it’s hardly as though he’d forget that.
    So then it’s house clearance and that’s
it.  All done.   And here I am feeling
surreal, as I stand in the middle of my house looking around at the
emptiness.  All that remains is a collection of boxes and a very large,
battered table.  It’s all happened scarily quickly. Good old Miles is
coming over with a horse box to transport me, Elmer and the table to Agnes’s
friend’s cottage, which I decided to rent while the dust settles, so to speak.
Actually, I didn’t know what else to do.  It’s smaller than Plum Tree
Cottage, but just perfect for one newly single woman and her weird dog.  It’s
quite near the Hope and Anchor, and it’s furnished.  There’s even a
paddock behind, I couldn’t help noticing.  Which just so
happens to be empty...   But best of all, I can’t help thinking with
relief, is that with any luck, now this is all over and done with, I really
have no reason to speak to Arian ever, ever