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eye contact. It was then that I
realised he was petrified. He was trying not to show it, but his eyes betrayed
him. The brows were arched and unsteady.
    “It’s not an STD,” I said quickly.
    “So you’re …”
    “Yes.”
    He breathed in suddenly, drinking in a large quantity of the
air around him. He gazed at me, his eyes widening further with every hair of a
second. He grabbed my glass of water and took a gulp, only to choke on it and
splutter.
    “Are you okay?” I asked,
    He nodded as he skirted drowning.
    “Do you want some water?” I asked him, foolishly.
    Finally, he managed to splutter, “How long ago was it since
we … It feels like months ago.”
    “It was.”
    “I’m only twenty-five.”
    “I know, Nicky told me.”
    “Does she know?”
    “Yes.”
    “What did she say?”
    “Forget what she says, what do you say?” I demanded. Then I
apologised, softly. How could I expect him to say anything? He’d known for less
than a minute. I’d known for two days and I still didn’t have a clue what to
say. “Sorry,” I said. “You don’t have to say anything. It’s a big shock.”
    Suddenly, he looked annoyed. “How long have you known?” he
asked, suspiciously.
    “Two days, I swear . I called you as soon as I could.”
    “You kept my number then?”
    I looked guilty. “I got it from Nicky,” I mumbled.
    Simon tugged at his hair. He cupped his chin in his hand. He
kept taking in brisk breaths, but not following them with words.
    “There’s more, I’m afraid.”
    “Twins?” he said, sounding even more panicked. Or was he
joking? Who would joke at a time like this? You need to know a person before
you can resolve the subtleties of their humour.
    “No,” I said, with the slightest hint of a laugh. “No,” I
repeated softly, in case it wasn’t a joke. “The thing is, I have a health
condition.”
    He looked up. Somehow, he managed to look even more
concerned than he had done already. His eyebrows almost reached his hairline.
    “It’s bipolar disorder.” I wondered if he knew what that
was.
    “No,” he said. “You can’t have. You seem fine.”
    “I am, most of the time. Almost all of the time.”
    “I mean, you’re feisty …”
    Thanks for reminding me.
    “But nothing unusual, for a woman.”
    “What do you mean, ‘for a woman’?” I snapped, automatically.
    “I just meant …”
    “Forget it; we’ve got more important things to discuss.”
    “Sorry.”
    “No, I’m sorry.”
    “I just meant that you seem emotional, but not in an
unhealthy way.”
    “I am healthy.”
    “Well then …?”
    “I’m well because I respond to lithium.”
    “Okay … Well then, what’s the problem?”
    “Lithium is dangerous to the baby.”
    He didn’t have any muscles left to tense. His whole face was
already a pallet of fear and confusion. Eventually, his fingers crept across
the table, walking his hand towards mine. He placed his fingers gently on mine.
“What are the dangers?”
    “It means that the baby could be … damaged.” The words
stuck in my throat like trying to regurgitate ice cubes. “For example, there is
a big risk of heart defects.”
    He froze. He just stared at me. His hand went cold.
    “I need to find out more, but I think there’s something
called an Ebstein anomaly …”
    “Does this mean you’re going to …” he trailed off.
Beneath the heap of emotions, he suddenly looked desperately sad. “Do you want
to … Are you going to …”
    “I don’t know,” I said, fighting back tears. “Maybe I
should, but it feels wrong.”

Chapter 5
    I felt peculiar about Simon coming to the ultrasound –
almost irritated. I felt as though he was intruding on one of the defining
moments of my life. I reminded myself that it was also a defining moment in his life. We were in this together – almost strangers, yet most intimately
entwined.
    Nicky was there too – a welcome tie to that which was
familiar. I felt most odd, remembering that the