make her laugh, her husband. Spent all day every day right here on the farm, but whenever he came back into the kitchenâwhich was only about ten times a dayâhe was as a Spartan back from Thermopylae, a hero home from the war.
âTwo of the most gorgeous beings on the planet, both in my kitchen at once. How lucky am I?â He pulled off his boots, spun them across the floor and picked up Hamish out of the playpenââPhwoar. Pongeroo, my darlingââand dropped him again.
âSorry, babe. Just having a bit of a tidy upâ¦â
Will took in the scene of devastation around him and guffawed. âGoing well then, I see.â For Georgie, it was one of the beauteous miracles of their marriage that her husband took such delight in domestic chaos. It just cracked him up every time.
He walked up behind her, slapped her quickly on the bottom and pulled her up and into his arms. âWhy bother? I came in search of lunch, but now it occurs to me, perhaps we could use our time more wiselyâ¦â He nuzzled into her neck, and she leaned back into him.
âMmmmmmmâ¦â And then that kick of grief again. âI canât!â she wailed. âItâs âThe Wreck of the Deutschlandâ in here, Hamishâs nappy is a health hazard, and Iâve got all these sodding women turning up in half an hour for a lunch that I havenât even begun to think about and for which I appear to be charging fifteen quid apieceâ¦â
âDoh. Is that all? Then surely a quick shag shouldnât be out of the questââ
What was that? They swung round together in alarm. It soundedâcould it be?âsomething like a sharp little kitten heel on the flagstones in the yardâ¦
âGolly. Gosh. Um. Hi. Are you OK?â
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Bubbaâs first thought on entering the Martinsâ home was that she was actually walking into an as-it-happened crime scene. All the signs were there. She recognized them immediately. She did watch a lot of detective programs on the tellyâanything from Midsomer Murders to CSI. Loved them; couldnât get enough. As she said to Mark the other night, she was, to all intents and purposes, practically a policeman, she knew all the procedures so well.
So there she was, on the threshold of a kitchen that had clearly been ransacked in the most unbelievably brutal mannerâGod, she would hate to have her home violated like that; theyâd never been burgled, so lucky, touch wood. And there was poor Georgie, gripped in a stranglehold by some huge brute, literally the Gruffalo, all unshaven and wild and woolly, bushy eyebrows, exploding nasal hair, withâshe was trying to take in as much as possible for the police report laterâfilthy, almost crusty hands. And there was the baby, being forced to watchâoh God!âfrom a cage â¦
She was about to go in there, all guns blazing, but something stopped her. Something in the atmosphereâ¦It was sort ofâ¦what was it? She wasnât quite sure. Happy. Cheerful. Or something. So she coughed politelyâshe could still, she reckoned, attack if attack were neededâand made her presence felt.
âAh,â said Georgie. âGood. Youâre earlyââthough without sounding all that pleased. âThis isâ¦â she began, to her husband, but her voice trailed away.
âCall me Bubba.â Bubba held her hand out in peace to the huge woolly mammoth person, which guffawed an enormous guffaw.
âNothing could delight me more.â He roared again. âIâm Will. I gather youâre actually paying to come here for lunch. Thatâs a family first. I hope youâre not the litigious sort.â
You know what? thought Bubba. Heâs oddly attractive, this Willâin a noble-savage kind of way. But, golly. Poor, poor guy. Do they really have to live like this? Should we be fund-raising for them?
Georgie had moved away to