cool turn-of-the-century architecture. Not particularly scary to meâmore awe-inspiring than anything, fascinated with old buildings as I am. My parents accompanied me, and I nervously cracked death jokes the entire way there, lightening the mood. We all laughed, the reality of the whole thing not having quite set in.
My mother had been furious when I revealed that I had contacted my half sisters. I tried to assure her that they were very nice and just your average grieving family, but she had locked herself inside her room and refused to speak to me for several hours, which was actually quite minimal for herâshe was famous for going weeks or even months on end doling out the silent treatment, positive that the deprivation of her presence was killing all of us. This started when I was nine and my sister eight. It always made Molly sob. She would camp outside my motherâs door and pound on it with her tiny fists, begging her mommy to love heragain. Molly did not get beaten as I did, so the worst punishment that she could ever fathom was the complete withholding of our motherâs sparse affection.
As for me, these times were the calmest in my existence. There was nothing quite as relaxing as a minivacation from Mom. The horror would only begin again when the sticky double doors to the master bedroom would open and she would reemerge, calmly speaking to us again as though nothing had happened. I never understood how Molly and even Joe regarded her siestas as a negative habit. Sure, it couldnât be healthy for my mom to hole herself up in bed, her hatred toward all of us emanating through the cracks of the locked doors like oozing pus. But surely, it was better for our mental health to be free of her for a bit, right? So what exactly was the problem?
In any event, my motherâs sojourn was abruptly curtailed by her curiosity. She couldnât keep herself mad enough at me to miss out on the excitement of the Saturday matinee production of Briannaâs Fun with the Coroner, so off we went, as a family.
Joyce Cato was a tiny and calm woman with a soothing voice. I assumed that the soothing voice was a necessity if you were going to work in the Decedent Notification Department. She provided us with a copy of the coronerâs report and kindly explained our options as far as funeral arrangements and cremation. She gave me the public administratorâs contact information, and an envelope containing the only item that had been on the body at the time of deathâhis cell phone.
âHis keys were in his pocket, but they have to be sent over to the PA first; they need to decide if probate is necessary. I donât know if you wantâ¦the gun, but itâs legallyyours if you do. You have to pick that up separatelyâwe donât give firearms to family members here.â
Horrified, I hastily assured her that I had no interest in the shotgun.
âNo, I didnât think you would, but we have to ask,â she explained.
I winced. I knew how my final request would sound. âI know this is going to seem weird, or gross, butâIâd like to see the mortuary photo, please. If you donât think heâs tooâ¦mangledâ¦or anything. If itâs something I could probably handle, Iâd like to see it.â
âItâs not weird or grossâbelieve me. Many relatives ask to see the death photo. We get all kinds of requests in hereâIâve heard it all.â She pulled out a piece of paper. âI donât know what you can or canât handle, of course. Every personâs threshold is different.â She studied the photo. âI can tell you that itâs not as bad as many that Iâve seen. His face is all still there, thereâs no jaw missing or anything.â
Kindly, Joe reached out and took the photo from her. âIâll look first,â he said. My mother looked away. She didnât want to see it.
Joe looked for about
Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy