The Fallable Fiend

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Book: Read The Fallable Fiend for Free Online
Authors: L. Sprague deCamp
kept up a fire of talk. He boasted grandly of his prowess in fertilizing the females of his species. He was especially proud of having copulated with six inmates of an institution called a whorehouse, all in one night. I was puzzled by the pride that male Prime Planers take in this ability, since any number of lower animals, such as the common goat, can easily outdo the human male in this regard.
    When all had lauded Bagardo’s penial powers, he said: “Zdim, since you arrived on this plane, have you known any wizards other than Doc Maldivius?”
    “Nay, sir, save for his apprentice Grax, who—ah—met with misfortune. Why?”
    “We need one. We had one, old Arkanius.”
    “I heard you mention him, sir. What really befell him?”
    “Something not greatly different from the lies I told about him, I’ll warrant. Arkanius would experiment with spells too fell for his limited powers. One night we saw blue flashes from his tent and heard screams. On the morrow there was no Arkanius—just a spattering of blood. I offered the job to Maldivius, but he declined, uttering something about the Paaluans making his fortune for him. He was a bit drunk at the time. Know you aught of what he meant?”
    “Nay, sir. I have heard that Paalua is a land of mighty magicians across the ocean, but that is all.”
    “Bear it in mind. Dulnessa has been running a fortune-telling booth besides her regular work, but ’tis not the same as having a genuine magicker, you know. Whose deal is it?”
    ###
    Bagardo won my ninepence away from me, coin by coin. I noted that, from time to time, my tendrils picked up a strange vibration. This often happened when he was about to win some of my money. I could not, however, properly interpret the sensation. When I was down to my last farthing, the door opened and in came the buxom Madam Dulnessa, the bareback rider. In a raucous voice, she cried: “When is one of you limp-yards coming over to service me?”
    Bagardo said: “Take Zdim. He’s broke, anyway.”
    “Mean you he can?” she said.
    “Certes. Demons engender even as we do. Now get thee hence and leave us to our play.”
    Perplexed, I followed Dulnessa back to her wagon. When we were inside, she turned to me with a smile and half-closed eyes.
    “Well, Zdimmy,” she said, “this bids fair to be at least a new sensation.”
    With that, she began to remove her clothing in a slow and provocative manner. When she had doffed all her garments, she lay supine on her bed. I was naturally interested, since this was my first view of a live human female without clothing. I was gratified to observe that the illustrations in the schoolbooks on my own plane were correct in their depiction of the form and organs of this species. My tendrils received a vibration of extraordinary intensity, which I did not recognize.
    “Now go to it, if you have the means to go to it with,” she said.
    I began to see. “Mean you to engage in carnal communication with you, madam?”
    “Whoops, what pretty language! Aye, I mean just that.”
    “I am sorry, but I was taught only the refined, literary form of Novarian in school. The vulgarisms I have had to pick up on my own.”
    “Well, have you in sooth a true member under all those scales—and, hey, you’re changing color!”
    “Emotion so affects us, madam. I assure you that I am equipped with a proper male organ. Amongst us, however, it is withdrawn within the body when not in use, instead of dangling vulgarly and vulnerably as amongst human males. Doubtless that is the cause of this curious custom—which has long puzzled our philosophers—of wearing garments, even in the hottest weather. Now, amongst us demons—”
    Dulnessa: “Spare me the lecture. Canst do it?”
    “I know not. Although I strive to give satisfaction, this is not the breeding season, nor does the site of a Prime Plane female arouse my desires.”
    “What’s the matter with me, dragonman? True, I’m not so young as once upon a time,

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