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servant, but the servant didn’t seem too bothered about being a princess.
    ‘You haven’t—?’ said the King.
    ‘I most certainly have,’ replied Queen Mimosa. ‘The Princess has swapped bodies with the lowliest servant in the household.’
    The Princess looked aghast.
    ‘I’ve learned my lesson!’ she shrieked. ‘Turn me back, please! I will do anything – even shake hands with that hideous orphan person.’
    She couldn’t even remember my name. But impressed from a technical viewpoint, I turned to the Queen.
    ‘Remarkable, ma’am. Where did you learn to do that?’
    ‘I studied under Sister Organza of Rhodes when a student,’ she said simply. ‘The good sister was big on the transfer of minds between bodies.’
    ‘Please turn me back!’ yelled the Princess again, throwing herself to her mother’s feet. ‘I will
never
blame the footmen for my own stealing or demand people are put to death.’
    ‘I may have to insist you change her back,’ said the King with uncharacteristic firmness.
    ‘I won’t ever make fun of our poor royal cousins for only having two castles,’ pleaded the Princess.
    ‘I can’t have a daughter with lank hair and a pallid complexion,’ added the King. ‘It might attract the wrong sort of prince.’
    ‘Our daughter needs to be taught a lesson,’ said the Queen, ‘for the good of the Kingdom.’
    ‘There are other ways to punish her,’ said the King, ‘and in this matter I will be firm. Return my daughter this instant!’
    ‘Yes,’ howled the Princess, ‘and I promise
never
to pour weedkiller in the moat again – I’ll even restock the ornamental fish with my own servant’s pocket money!’
    ‘That was you?’ said the King, turning on her suddenly. ‘My prized collection of rare and wonderful koi carp, all stone dead at a stroke? I had my fish-keeper stripped of all honours and sent to work in the refineries –
and you said nothing?
’
    He turned to his wife and gave a short bow.
    ‘I suppose it might be for the best,’ he said wearily.
    ‘
What?!?
’ yelled the Princess.
    ‘Right,’ said the Queen, clapping her hands. ‘Miss Strange, I am entrusting you with our daughter’s further education. I hope she will learn something from the experience of having and being less than nothing.’
    ‘I won’t go,’ said the Princess. ‘I shan’t be made to wear old clothes and eat nothing but potatoes and scratchings and have to share toilets with other people and have no servants. I shall savagely bite anyone who tries to take me away.’
    ‘Then we shall have you muzzled and sent back to the orphanage,’ said the Queen, ‘and they will allocate you work in the refineries. It’s either that or going quietly with Miss Strange.’
    These words seemed to have an effect upon her, and the Princess calmed down.
    ‘I shall hate you for ever, Mother,’ she said quietly.
    ‘You will thank me,’ the Queen replied evenly, ‘and the Kingdom shall thank both your father and me for delivering them a just and wise ruler when we die.’
    The Princess said nothing. It was the servant-now-princess who spoke next.
    ‘This is a very beautiful room, like,’ she said. ‘I’d not really noticed before what with not being allowed to raise my eyes from the floor and all. Is that a painting of a great battle?’
    ‘That one?’ said the King, always eager to show off his knowledge. ‘It is of one of our ancestor’s greatest triumph against the Snowdonian Welsh. The odds were astounding: five thousand against six. It was a hard, hand-to-hand battle over two days with every inch won in blood and sinew, but thank Snodd we were victorious. Despite everything, we were impressed by the fighting spirit of the Welsh – those six certainly put up a terrific fight.’
    ‘Look after her, won’t you?’ said the Queen in a more concerned tone. ‘I trust in your judgement to educate my daughter, and whatever happens, you will not find the Kingdom or myself ungrateful. Bring