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but Reed…” Charlotte’s wide eyes now became sad and the ends of her lips turned down. “Vanessa, I’m so sorry,” she offered softly. But then as quickly as compassion came, it was gone and in its place was the glow of morbid curiosity. “You know,” Charlotte began again, this time leaning in close. “I didn’t feel right asking at the funeral, but do you know why Reed…did what he did?”
    Vanessa lost her smile.
    Charlotte continued, “I mean, suicide, that’s so serious. Why did he do it? Was he just tired of living?” She fired her questions like an award-winning journalist. “Were you two having problems?”
    With each question, Vanessa’s mouth opened wider.
    “Charlotte, I always knew you were an idiot.” Louise stepped from behind Vanessa and took her hand, dragging her friend away.
    “Thank you,” was all Vanessa could say when she finally spoke.
    Louise shrugged. “That’s what best friends are for.”
    “I didn’t know what to say.” Vanessa shook her head. “I should have been able to handle that, but I was so surprised.”
    “Hmph,” Louise started as she led Vanessa to a seat. “You couldn’t have handled that—no one knows how to handle stupidity.” Once seated, Louise added, “But at least one of Charlotte’s questions made sense. What are you doing here?”
    “Why shouldn’t I be?”
    “Because you need some time. And you need to give dummies like Charlotte time to move on to the next piece of gossip.”
    Vanessa shook her head. “I don’t need time away from God. I need to stay close to Him.” The dream she’d had last night flashed through her mind. She shuddered.
    Louise peered at her friend for a moment, then with a small smile, she wrapped her arms around her. “You know I love you, right?”
    Vanessa nodded, but opened her bulletin, keeping her eyes away from her friend. She’d been shaken by Charlotte, and didn’t want to become more rattled by Louise’s emotions. She had to keep all tears away.
    She breathed with relief when the Praise Team strolled onto the stage. But when she stood to join in the worship, Vanessa could feel the stares. And she could hear the whispers. And she certainly knew their thoughts. They were all like Charlotte—without care or concern. They all just wanted the juicy details of her tragedy.
    Vanessa raised her head higher and clapped her hands to the music’s beat. No one would see her distress. No one would see on the outside what stirred inside her head.
    As she sang, her eyes settled on the pulpit—and on the space below. She froze, imagining the forty-eight hours before, when Reed’s coffin had lain in that place.
    She dropped into her seat. She hadn’t thought about this. Hadn’t thought that every time she stepped into this sanctuary, she’d be reminded of her husband’s final services.
    You’re going to be all right , the small voice spoke.
    Her head responded, If you do it, you won’t hurt anymore .
    Louise glanced down. “Are you okay?”
    Vanessa nodded. “Just tired.” With all that was within her, she plastered happiness on her face and stood again. She clapped, and sang, and swayed, and the tears flowed inside.
    If you do it, you won’t hurt anymore .
    When Pastor Ford sauntered onto the pulpit, Vanessa’s eyes roamed around the church, soaking in the familiar place. She’d had wonderful times in this sanctuary, listening to the preaching and the teaching, meeting with friends during good and bad times.
    If you do it, you won’t hurt anymore .
    And she wondered if she would ever be in this place, alive, again.

    “Remember,” Pastor Ford began as she motioned for the congregation to stand, “there’s a reason why we sing ‘Speak to my Heart.’ That’s where He is. That’s where He’ll talk to you. And, it’s right there—in your heart, where you have to listen.”
    The pastor bowed her head for the benediction, and Vanessa pondered her words. Thought about the voice that she felt in her