The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians

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Book: Read The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians for Free Online
Authors: Andersen Prunty
the counter.
    The Balloonman walked over to the door and stared out at the gray afternoon. Derek Gloom and some of his friends approached the shop. The Balloonman turned the sign that said “Open” to where it said “Closed.”
    Derek stopped just on the other side of the glass, raising a gnarled hand and knocking ominously on the door.
    “ Send her out, Balloonman. I know she’s in there,” he growled.
    “ I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the Balloonman said.
    “ I saw her go in.”
    “ No you didn’t.”
    This blatant lie seemed to stump Derek for just a second before he regained his train of questioning and said, “Yes she is. I was just down the block when I saw her come in.”
    “ Go away before I call Sheriff Badge.”
    “ Oh, like he’s going to do anything to me. My father has him in his pocket.”
    The Balloonman pulled down the white shade in the doorway and turned to go up the stairs.
    His heart did a double hammer in his chest. Now he had a girl upstairs in his apartment and that ... that had never happened before.
    June sat in an overstuffed orange chair that smelled like a balloon, pulled just far enough away from the window that she couldn’t be seen.
    “ Well, I think I got rid of them,” the Balloonman said with a bit more bravura than he had intended.
    June shook her head, looking so scared sitting in the chair that seemed to eat her up. “There is no getting rid of Derek Gloom,” she said. “I need to get out of this town.”
    As if to punctuate this statement, a large rocket shattered the window, crashed into the far wall and exploded, sparks flying around the room. Both June and the Balloonman jerked spasmodically.
    “ How did you get mixed up with someone like Gloom?” the Balloonman asked. Maybe, the Balloonman wondered, it was the extremity of the situation allowing him to actually speak with June.
    “ I don’t know,” June said.
    A whole package of firecrackers flew through the window and exploded loudly on the floor, leaving a large black stain on the boards. June jumped up, leaping out of the chair, screaming this time. Ever attentive, she tried to give the Balloonman a satisfactory answer. “I just thought ... well, his father owns that big factory and I thought it would be nice not to be so poor.”
    “ You were going to ... marry Derek Gloom?”
    “ I considered it ... but I said no. And now this.”
    This time, a multitude of fireworks poured through the window, popping and exploding, a continuous stream. The fireworks hit June and the Balloonman, exploding and stinging their skin before they could gather their bearings. Finally, the Balloonman said, “Come into the bathroom with me. I think I’ve just thought of something.”
    The Balloonman led her into the bathroom. “Now,” he said. “I’ve never tried this before so I don’t know how well it will work.”
    Then he leaned down as if to kiss her. June wrinkled up her face and pushed him away. “You dirty old man,” she said. “This is not what I came here for.”
    “ No,” the Balloonman said. “You’re mistaken.”
    “ I might as well just go back to Derek,” she said, retreating into the main room.
    The Balloonman followed her. “No, it wasn’t what it seemed.”
    A bottle rocket bounced off her head and Derek shouted, “You better get out here, June, or the whole place is going up!”
    While she was distracted, patting out a smoldering flame in her hair, the Balloonman grabbed her around the forearms and gruffly pulled her toward him. Then he leaned down his head and planted a kiss on her lips. Startled, she opened her mouth and the Balloonman exhaled. June felt the breath go through her body, expanding it. She felt light. Lighter than air.
    “ Come on,” the Balloonman said after exhaling his lungs and breaking the kiss. It was hard to keep her from floating to the ceiling before they reached the window in the bathroom. He grabbed her arm and led her to the window, stuffing her

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