life.â
âIs that a fact?â I said, cool as a Borzoi.
âLook, cousin, I found the first news difficult to believe, and now this . Give me a break.â
He pushed his chair back and got up.
âWait a minute here,â he said, leaning over me, so close I could see his tonsils. âAre you telling me my name was on it?â he whispered. âThat it was addressed to me? Is that why youâre here?â
âNo. Should it have been? Addressed to you?â
He just shook his head.
âPaul, were you and my cousin still going together when this happened?â
âNo,â he said, pushing the chair back against the table so hard it moved the table closer to me. He began to walk away.
Good, I thought. At least one of us was telling the truth. His name hadnât appeared in Lisaâs calendar since January 11.
And that time, it had been crossed out.
âWhen did you break up?â I asked his back.
But he didnât bother to answer me. Without turning around or saying good-bye, he disappeared down the stairs that led to the pool.
7
How Long Will It Take?
At ten thirty that night, after I had practiced the form alone in the garden, Dashiell and I headed back to Bank Street Tâai Chi. Avi opened the door before we reached the landing, his finger to his lips. Without speaking, I dropped my jacket onto one of the couches, changed into Lisaâs black cotton shoes, and followed him onto the floor.
Standing behind Avi, I could see the strength of his movements, as if he were moving not through air but waterânot springwater, cleansed of all impurities, but ocean water, thick with salt and life. It was as if he were swimming in the air.
After three hours of work Avi stopped, and we walked to the couches in the area between the office and the studio and sat opposite each other.
âHow did you and Lisa meet?â
âSo late, and still your head is full of questions,â he said.
âYou said, first the tâai chi, then the questions.â
Avi sat silently.
âYou didnât mean after I learn the whole form?â
Was he meditating, looking straight ahead like that at nothing, as if he hadnât heard my question?
âOr not even then, right? When I get to the end of the form, youâll tell me we need to do corrections, that I am not good enough yet to ask you questions. Is that it? I am working so hard, staying up all night learning tâai chi, and you will never help me learn what I need to know.â
He lifted his big hand like a stop sign.
âA student once asked his teacher, âMaster, how long will it take me to learn Zen?â âTen years,â the master told him. âBut what if I work extra hard, then how long?â Twenty years,â the master replied.â
âAvi, Iââ
âYou are so busy thinking about the destination, you cannot keep your mind on the journey.â
âAvram, my aunt and uncle have asked me to help them understand the death of their daughter. They are in pain.â
âAnd they will not be in pain when you tell them why she is gone?â
Now I was the one who was silent.
âAvram,â I said after a moment, âI appreciate what youâre trying to do, but I donât have ten years for this.â
âThen we should stop wasting time. Tomorrow come earlier, come at seven.â
I stood and picked up my jacket.
âI am only trying to help you make room for Lisa,â he said, âso that you will understand her.â
âYeah, yeah,â I said. âItâs like dog training.â
âLike dogââ
âSome people approach a dog so full of themselves, there is no room for the dog. They are full of ideas, full of answers. They think they know everything there is to know. And without looking at what is in front of them, they are sure that when the dog misbehaves, itâs out of spite. They are so busy grabbing,