Read The Dog Said Bow-Wow for Free Online Page B
Authors: Michael Swanwick
while you’re doing that, I’ve got today’s voice-posts from the Web cued up.”
Lizzie groaned, and Consuelo blew a raspberry. By NAFTASA policy, the ground crew participated in all webcasts. Officially, they were delighted to share their experiences with the public. But the VoiceWeb (privately, Lizzie thought of it as the Illiternet) made them accessible to people who lacked even the minimal intellectual skills needed to handle a keyboard.
“Let me remind you that we’re on open circuit here, so anything you say will go into my reply. You’re certainly welcome to chime in at any time. But each question-and-response is transmitted as one take, so if you flub a line, we’ll have to go back to the beginning and start all over again.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Consuelo grumbled.
“We’ve done this before,” Lizzie reminded him.
“Okay. Here’s the first one.”
“
Uh, hi, this is BladeNinja43. I was wondering just what it is that you guys are hoping to discover out there.
”
“That’s an extremely good question,” Alan lied. “And the answer is: We don’t know! This is a voyage of discovery, and we’re engaged in what’s called ‘pure science.’ Now, time and time again, the purest research has turned out to be extremely profitable. But we’re not looking that far ahead. We’re just hoping to find something absolutely unexpected.”
“My God, you’re slick,” Lizzie marveled.
“I’m going to edit that from the tape,” Alan said cheerily. “Next up.”
“
This is Mary Schroeder, from the United States. I teach high school English, and I wanted to know for my students, what kind of grades the three of you had when you were their age.
”
Alan began. “I was an overachiever, I’m afraid. In my sophomore year, first semester, I got a B in Chemistry and panicked. I thought it was the end of the world. But then I dropped a couple of extracurriculars, knuckled down, and brought that grade right up.”
“I was good in everything but French Lit,” Consuelo said.
“I nearly flunked out!” Lizzie said. “Everything was difficult for me. But then I decided I wanted to be an astronaut, and it all clicked into place. I realized that, hey, it’s just hard work. And now, well, here I am.”
“That’s good. Thanks, guys. Here’s the third, from Maria Vasquez.”
“
Is there life on Titan?
”
“Probably not. It’s
cold
down there! 94° Kelvin is the same as -179° Celsius, or-290° Fahrenheit. And yet…life is persistent. It’s been found in Antarctic ice and in boiling water in submarine volcanic vents. Which is why we’ll be paying particular attention to exploring the depths of the ethane-methane sea. If life is anywhere to be found, that’s where we’ll find it.”
“Chemically, the conditions here resemble the anoxic atmosphere on Earth in which life first arose,” Consuelo said. “Further, we believe that such pre-biotic chemistry has been going on here for four and a half billion years. For an organic chemist like me, it’s the best toy box in the universe. But that lack of heat is a problem. Chemical reactions that occur quickly back home would take thousands of years here. It’s hard to see how life could arise under such a handicap.”
“It would have to be slow life,” Lizzie said thoughtfully. “Something vegetative. “Vaster than empires and more slow.’ It would take millions of years to reach maturity. A single thought might require centuries….”
“Thank you for that, uh, wild scenario!” Alan said quickly. Their NAFTASA masters frowned on speculation. It was, in their estimation, almost as unprofessional as heroism. “This next question comes from Danny in Toronto.”
“
Hey, man, I gotta say I really envy you being in that tiny little ship with those two hot babes.
”
Alan laughed lightly. “Yes, Ms. Hong and Ms. O’Brien are certainly attractive women. But we’re kept so busy that, believe it or not, the thought of sex never comes up. And
Lizzie groaned, and Consuelo blew a raspberry. By NAFTASA policy, the ground crew participated in all webcasts. Officially, they were delighted to share their experiences with the public. But the VoiceWeb (privately, Lizzie thought of it as the Illiternet) made them accessible to people who lacked even the minimal intellectual skills needed to handle a keyboard.
“Let me remind you that we’re on open circuit here, so anything you say will go into my reply. You’re certainly welcome to chime in at any time. But each question-and-response is transmitted as one take, so if you flub a line, we’ll have to go back to the beginning and start all over again.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Consuelo grumbled.
“We’ve done this before,” Lizzie reminded him.
“Okay. Here’s the first one.”
“
Uh, hi, this is BladeNinja43. I was wondering just what it is that you guys are hoping to discover out there.
”
“That’s an extremely good question,” Alan lied. “And the answer is: We don’t know! This is a voyage of discovery, and we’re engaged in what’s called ‘pure science.’ Now, time and time again, the purest research has turned out to be extremely profitable. But we’re not looking that far ahead. We’re just hoping to find something absolutely unexpected.”
“My God, you’re slick,” Lizzie marveled.
“I’m going to edit that from the tape,” Alan said cheerily. “Next up.”
“
This is Mary Schroeder, from the United States. I teach high school English, and I wanted to know for my students, what kind of grades the three of you had when you were their age.
”
Alan began. “I was an overachiever, I’m afraid. In my sophomore year, first semester, I got a B in Chemistry and panicked. I thought it was the end of the world. But then I dropped a couple of extracurriculars, knuckled down, and brought that grade right up.”
“I was good in everything but French Lit,” Consuelo said.
“I nearly flunked out!” Lizzie said. “Everything was difficult for me. But then I decided I wanted to be an astronaut, and it all clicked into place. I realized that, hey, it’s just hard work. And now, well, here I am.”
“That’s good. Thanks, guys. Here’s the third, from Maria Vasquez.”
“
Is there life on Titan?
”
“Probably not. It’s
cold
down there! 94° Kelvin is the same as -179° Celsius, or-290° Fahrenheit. And yet…life is persistent. It’s been found in Antarctic ice and in boiling water in submarine volcanic vents. Which is why we’ll be paying particular attention to exploring the depths of the ethane-methane sea. If life is anywhere to be found, that’s where we’ll find it.”
“Chemically, the conditions here resemble the anoxic atmosphere on Earth in which life first arose,” Consuelo said. “Further, we believe that such pre-biotic chemistry has been going on here for four and a half billion years. For an organic chemist like me, it’s the best toy box in the universe. But that lack of heat is a problem. Chemical reactions that occur quickly back home would take thousands of years here. It’s hard to see how life could arise under such a handicap.”
“It would have to be slow life,” Lizzie said thoughtfully. “Something vegetative. “Vaster than empires and more slow.’ It would take millions of years to reach maturity. A single thought might require centuries….”
“Thank you for that, uh, wild scenario!” Alan said quickly. Their NAFTASA masters frowned on speculation. It was, in their estimation, almost as unprofessional as heroism. “This next question comes from Danny in Toronto.”
“
Hey, man, I gotta say I really envy you being in that tiny little ship with those two hot babes.
”
Alan laughed lightly. “Yes, Ms. Hong and Ms. O’Brien are certainly attractive women. But we’re kept so busy that, believe it or not, the thought of sex never comes up. And