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ring well…fuck this is crazy.”
    You said it buddy, bat shit cray cray ;
the way only the south can do it.
    “I hope you know that she’s crossed the line. I was willing
to stay out of it and let you two handle your thing your way but she took my
nana’s ring. If I see that prune faced bitch I’ma Hoffa her ass.”
    “Vanessa…”
    “Babe just let
me handle this okay, you don’t have to deal with any of this any more. Since I seem
to be the bone that’s being fought over I think it only fair that I be the one
to deal with whatever this is.” He’s so cute; he has no idea what he’s up
against. But if he thinks he knows the rules to this game let him at it, we’ll
see how long that lasts before I’m back to wanting to nut punch him again. He
really doesn’t get it. Her fight’s not with him, of course she’s gonna be all sugar and spice with him, she’ll save her shit
for me.
    “Fine, if Cujo stays in her kennel and leave me the hell alone I’m
all good.” I turned back to stir the pot of sauce I had simmering just as the
phone rang. We both headed into the other room just as the machine picked up.
“Hello Damien this is your mother, your REAL mother. I’m just calling to let
you know I forgive you for last night. I know that wasn’t your doing and I
understand. When you’re ready to talk just know that your mom’s here for you. I
love you sweet boy hope to see you soon.”
    “Cracked, all the fucking way
cracked.” I could only shake my head. Bitch was off her meds again.
    He actually looked surprised,
like maybe he’d expected her to call him with an apology. “What the hell was
that?” I shrugged my shoulders; she’s his mother if he didn’t know how the hell
should I?
    I studied him for a hot minute.
    “What, what’re you looking at?”
    “I’m wondering if we should have you tested?”
    “Tested for what? I’m not sick.”
    “Yeah but that brand of cray might be hereditary, I think
that shit needs to have an end by date. Can’t be spreading that shit.”
    “You’re funny,”
    “’I think so.” He smacked my
ass as we headed back to the kitchen to finish making dinner.

 
 
    All through
dinner it was eating away at him. I was pretty pissed off too; I want my nana’s
ring. That shit had been in my family for about two hundred years. There were stories
of bravery and true love attached to that piece of metal. I’d shared those
stories with Hagar the Horrible, that’s how I knew she was the one to take it.
He thinks I’m gonna let that shit slide. What he
doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
      “Baby you’re off tomorrow why don’t we do
something this weekend?”
    “Yeah? What did you have in mind beautiful?”
    “I don’t know, we haven’t been
to your secret place in a while. I think it would be good to get away for a
minute, clear our heads.”
    “That sounds
perfect baby.” This little impromptu trip had two purposes. Yes I wanted to get
away with my hubby because this baby news was killing me to keep quiet, and I
could think of no better place to tell him than in his favorite hideaway. And
two, if the festering boil should call she’d see that we were out of range. I
know from experience that nothing drives her up the wall faster than not
knowing where we are every second of every day.
    The next
morning early the locksmith came out and then we were on our way. I had
everything planned out starting with the test I had hidden away in my bag. The hagster wasn’t even a blip on my radar and I made sure my
honey didn’t give her a moment’s thought. “Vanessa I’m gonna crash.”
    “No you won’t just concentrate on
your driving let me do the rest.”
    We were on a long stretch of
deserted backcountry road, best place to give my guy a tongue bath. I teased
the shit out of him, bringing him to the brink and then squeezing him off.
    The third time
I did that I felt the change under the wheels. We were off road and I was
pretty sure we had another half an