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Panacea, burglar extraordinaire, who was in the overnight can for stealing almost everything from a house on Peejay Street . A week later Harpoon stood in the perjury room declaiming like an expert. ‘Your honour, a burglar is the same as a door-to-door salesman, except that he wears a mask and arrives at night. My client went out of his way to remain silent during his activities on the night in question - he wore sneakers, avoided ringing the doorbell, even strangled the family dog to keep it from barking. He did everything so as not to arouse the occupants from their well-earned slumber.’
    The judge was slow to concur. ‘Mr Specter, are you trying despite all that’s holy to tell me that Billy Panacea - who is widely known for having burgled the denizens of Beerlight beyond all recognition - is in fact a keeper of the peace and a protester against noise pollution?’
    ‘You can quote me your honour.’
    Billy was sentenced to twenty years and Specter’s identity as a lawyer was sealed in reinforced stone.
    But the next case was a fiery test of Specter’s reserves - when he had the privilege of defending Brute Parker, who ran the all-night gun shop on the corner of Dive and Ride. Parker had had a score to settle with an arms dealer entitled Harry Puption. Harry had sold Parker alot of sub-standard fare so it seemed that Parker had set up a nocturnal meeting with Harry at the Puption warehouse and spilled the beans, blowing out lights, drilling Harry and generally making the kind of rumpus associated with blood-spattering ire. The cops, arriving late from another murder, found Parker on the scene with a smoking gun.
    A key prosecution witness was the head of the cop unit who found Parker at the warehouse, and when the case came to law he described that event in finely-crafted detail. ‘We were tidying up the mess at the Hurley murder across town when we got a call about the fashionable events occurring at the Puption warehouse. By the time we entered the premises Harry Puption was dead meat on a stick and on a search of the area we hit paydirt like a goddamn rocket - Brute Parker was standin’ in a state of hyperactivity and foamin’ all at the gob. I knew he was out of ammo as my torso remained in tip-top condition. I attempted to inform him of his farcical rights but at this he became exquisitely violent and stated his intention of breaking every bone in my body, including the dozens of tiny cartilaginous ones in my ears. I restrained him with the help of twelve other officers, all of whom are still miraculously alive and kicking, your honour.’
    Unperturbed by the testimony, Harpoon stood and strode casually toward the witness box, almost subliminally fastening the centre button on his stolen suit. He paused and, gesturing mildly to the cop, announced - ‘This man has rabies, your honour.’
    ‘ Rabies ?’ yelled the judge, and the perjury room was turbulently adjourned.
    When the case was resumed, everybody was tense. The cop had been shot, and this had wasted valuable trial time. Specter brought on a witness to whom he had paid a thousand smackers in memory clearance. ‘Sure, I was there that night,’ said the memory man. ‘I remember it as though it were only as bright as yesterday. Heard undeniable noises in the warehouse and went to investigate. It sure was creepy in there, Mr Specter, and that quality became unsurpassed when I realised I was not alone. Someone was lurking to beat the band just outside my line of vision, and he made his presence not unknown to me by stating out of a clear, beautiful blue sky that he was at that moment wearing hydraulically inflated pants.’
    ‘And is this monster,’ said Harpoon dramatically, ‘ anywhere in this room?’
    ‘Yes he is,’ said the witness assertively, pointing at the judge. ‘That is the man.’
    The judge called a recess.
    ‘Now just what in the computer age are you trying to do?’ said the judge to Harpoon in the back office. ‘I’ll have