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my Parisian gel?”
    “No, Mum. And stop touching my hair, OK?” I ducked back out of her reach. I was feeling grumpy. It had not been the best day.
    “Listen, sweetie,” Mum said gently, “it’s only a photo. No use getting yourself worked up over something so silly.”
    “Yes, Hank,” Papa Pete said. “We love you no matter what your school photo looks like. We love the real Hank, even the dirty and smelly Hank, not some picture.”
    I slid out of both of their embraces and sighed loudly. “It’s not some silly photo. Why does everyone keep saying that? This is important!”
    Mum and Papa Pete exchanged a very long look.
    “I’m sorry, love,” Mum said, “but your uniform’s still in the laundry basket. I was going to wash it tonight.”
    “Is it covered in chocolate?”
    “No, but—”
    “Good enough! Just give me the keys so I can get in the flat.”
    “Hank.” Mum sighed. “I don’t have time to look for them right now. My keys are – I don’t know. Just get Dad to open up for you.”
    “Can’t. Dad’s at school.”
    “Oh, is he now?” She was trying to act tough, but, man, I thought she might cry then and there. Her whole face had drooped. I’d never seen my mum so sad. “Was he there for Emily’s science thingy?”
    “Dunno. Maybe. I didn’t really see him. It might have just been some other guy.”
    “Was this guy called Stan Zipzer? Did he also answer to the name of Dad?”
    “Yeah.” I gave her sticky hug. “Maybe. Sorry, Mum.”
    “Right. Your father and I are going to have words, Hank. Serious words. Pop, can you mind the shop? I’m going out too.”
    Once she’d left for the backroom, Papa Pete said to me, “Tonight, Hankie, my boy, I think you might see your father cry.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
    Evaluator’s interview with Emily Zipzer and her father
(cont’d)
    EMILY ZIPZER: One topic I have made a study of over the last several months is filial cannibalism. It is a fascinating subject – one which I would love to continue studying over the summer at the “Leg-Up” programme. Are you familiar with filial cannibalism, Dr Mehat?
    DR MEHAT: Not intimately, but I believe it is a rare phenomenon where the parent selectively eats their young.
    EMILY ZIPZER: Oh, it’s much more widespread than you’d think. It occurs across the entire animal kingdom. Even in primates.
    STAN ZIPZER: Such as baboon apes?
    EMILY ZIPZER: Yet surprisingly, the practice is, from my knowledge, not present in reptiles. I’d like to investigate why this is. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for lizards, and consider them to be on an equal footing with mammals.
    Whereupon the door to the interview room burst open, and ROSA ZIPZER entered.
    STAN ZIPZER: Oh, boy.
    ROSA ZIPZER: Hello, Stan, Emily. And hello, Your Excellency. I’m Mrs Zipzer. Sorry I’m late.
    DR MEHAT: Call me Meera, please. And that’s quite all right. Won’t you sit down?
    ROSA ZIPZER: Thank you.
    DR MEHAT: I must say, Mrs Zipzer, you really are looking well. It’s wonderful you were able to get away from the hospital to support your daughter.
    ROSA ZIPZER: Hospital?
    EMILY ZIPZER: Actually, Meera, she was at the prostheses lab, getting her new arm fitted.
    ROSA ZIPZER: What are you talking—?
    STAN ZIPZER stepped on ROSA ZIPZER’s foot.
    STAN ZIPZER: These new artificial arms are amazing. They look so real. Don’t they, love? Sometimes when we’re holding hands over our tea I even forget it’s a prosthetic – that’s how lifelike it is.
    ROSA ZIPZER: Yes, modern technology. Incredible what they can do when you …
lose an arm
.
    DR MEHAT: Simply amazing. May I examine it? Simply for curiosity’s sake. This won’t be a part of the official evaluation.
    STAN ZIPZER: Anything for science.
    DR MEHAT: Extraordinary. It looks just like real skin. Wonderful elasticity. Is this made of a polyethylene compound perhaps?
    ROSA ZIPZER: Nothing but.
    DR MEHAT: May I pinch it, to test its tensile strength?
    STAN ZIPZER: