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of panic that radiated outward from my heart.
    I could feel but I could not see. I was totally blind.
    Or maybe I was blind because I hadn’t yet resolved the issue of how to open my eyes.
    Open, damn you!
    My mind screamed the command, but my lids merely fluttered in response. My frustration mounted.
    A flash of light swept through the darkness.
    Fear and confusion gripped me.
    “ Josh, can you hear me? I know you can do it. Wake up. Wake up. ”
    I fought with all my might against the stubborn weight of my eyelids. Then at last they lifted, and I saw a hand in front of my face. It held a penlight. The light was sweeping back and forth. Everything was blurry.
    “That’s it,” the voice whispered with encouragement. “You can do it.”
    It was a woman.
    Leah…?
    No. That wasn’t possible.
    The penlight clicked off and the room became bathed in semi-darkness again as I watched that mysterious hand slip the little black device into the breast pocket of a white lab coat.
    “I’m right here, Josh,” she said. “You’re doing great.”
    I struggled to focus on what was in front of me…a pair of achingly familiar green eyes blinking down at me. Was I still dreaming? Or was this death?
    Every instinct in my body told me it was Leah, but the world was still a blur and I couldn’t let myself believe it. This had to be a lingering imprint from all those memories that had flashed through my mind.
    “Am I dead?” I asked.
    She smiled and laughed, but there were tears in her eyes. “No, but you came pretty darn close. Welcome back to the world of the living. Good decision, by the way.”
    She wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.
    “Leah?” I whispered, still unable to believe she was truly standing over me. How was this possible? Was I really alive?
    “You can see me?” she asked as if she couldn’t believe it either. “Can you hear me?”
    I managed a nod.
    “Then this has to be some kind of miracle,” she said.
    I blinked a few times, then glanced at the name tag on her lab coat. It said Dr. Leah James.
    “You work here?” I ground out.
    She nodded. “I’m a third year psychiatry resident. I shouldn’t really be in here with you. I’m supposed to be somewhere else right now, but when I saw them take you out of the ambulance…” Her voice quavered. “I couldn’t believe it was you and I had to stay with you. It’s been such a long time, Josh.” She glanced over her shoulder at the door. “There’s a nurse coming in now and the ICU doc should be right behind her. I really should go.”
    I couldn’t think straight. I felt frazzled and displaced.
    Then I remembered watching the details of my operation. My stomach was open… There was blood everywhere…a warm light and a tunnel that pulled me in…
    “Will you come back?” I asked.
    I wanted to tell her what had happened to me. Would she believe it? Would anyone believe it?
    Leah hesitated, then nodded. “I will, but right now they need to check you over. You did really well, Josh. You’re a survivor, I’ll give you that. I’m so glad you made it.”
    Just then, a nurse ran into the room. She flicked on the lights which startled me. Leah blew me a kiss as she backed away and discreetly passed by the nurse on her way out.

Chapter Fourteen

    “How long was I out?” I asked Dr. Crosby, who leaned over me to listen to my chest with a stethoscope. He was an older, heavyset man with white hair, bushy eyebrows and gold spectacles. He ignored my question as he focused on his task. After a moment, he tugged the ear buds out and looped the instrument around his neck.
    “You’ve been in a coma for five days,” he replied as he checked both my incisions, “so let me be the first to congratulate you on what has been an amazing recovery. You’re a real fighter, Josh. There’s no doubt about that.”
    I grimaced slightly and spoke in a hoarse whisper. “Thank you.”
    “Any trouble catching your breath?” he