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or in anonymous digs all over the country.
    Of the bleak alternatives, he actually preferred eating alone in a pub, with only the
Times
crossword for company. Being with other people – even other people he didn’t know or talk to – was better than being contained within the all too familiar parameters of what he rarely called ‘home’. But he couldn’t do it too often. Even lowly pub food was getting increasingly expensive, and he wasn’t being paid that much as a Broker’s Man.
    In his capacity as a Broker’s Man it had been a bad day’s rehearsal. The Broker’s Men don’t have a lot to do in
Cinderella
. Indeed in many pantomime versions they don’t even figure. But in the Empire Theatre version they were involved in all the big scenes and had a few moments to themselves. The biggest was near the beginning of the show, when they appeared at Baron Hardup’s shabby castle, threatening to turn him and his daughters out on to the street for non-payment of rent.
    But since this scene also involved the first entrance of Baron Hardup, Charles’ and Mick ‘The Cobra’ Mesquito’s parts had been severely truncated. By the time Kenny had come on, done his routine about Dwight Bredon with all his catchphrases from
The Dwight House
and sung the show’s signature tune, there wasn’t much time left for the Broker’s Men. Or for much of
Cinderella
’s plot, come to that.
    In some ways this was a relief to Charles. Though no actor likes having his lines cut, having to be on the stage for less time with Mick ‘The Cobra’ Mesquito was a definite bonus. Charles had worked with quite a few actors who weren’t very good, but never with one who had as little sense of the theatre as Mick Mesquito. Maybe it was a legacy of the cauliflower ears he had received from boxing, but he certainly had a tin ear for dialogue.
    To Charles, having been an actor so long, intonation and emphasis were second nature. He also had an instinctive sense of the rhythm of a line.
    Mick ‘The Cobra’ Mesquito lacked all of these qualities – particularly the sense of rhythm. Which mattered more in the Empire Theatre’s
Cinderella
than it might in other shows because most of the script was written in rhyming couplets. Which Mick Mesquito drove through like a bulldozer.
    For example, take a simple exchange like …
    FIRST BROKER’S MAN: If you don’t give your castle yard up …
    SECOND BROKER’S MAN: We will make you, Baron Hardup.
    It doesn’t sound so good if the second speaker ignores the punctuation and makes his line sound like a dire threat of infertility. ‘We will make you barren, Hardup.’
    But that was the kind of thing that came up constantly in rehearsal. If a line could be mangled, then Mick ‘The Cobra’ Mesquito would mangle it. Charles tried very gently to push him in the direction of the right intonation, but to no avail. The former boxer wasn’t offended by these attempts to help; he just clearly couldn’t hear the difference between the way Charles said the lines and the way he did. And, needless to say, their director Bix Rogers was far too busy staging another massive musical number to devote any attention to the spoken bits of the script.
    So Charles didn’t reckon being half of a double act with Mick ‘The Cobra’ Mesquito was going to be the most fulfilling role of his theatrical career. It reminded him of being part of another pairing in
Hamlet
at Hornchurch. And of the review that that performance elicited. ‘Charles Paris seemed unsure as to whether he was Rosencrantz or Guildenstern and, quite honestly, the way he played the part, who cared?’
Romford Recorder
.
    After finishing his soggy sandwich, Charles poured himself a large measure of Bell’s. He’d have liked some ice in it, but although his self-catering digs did boast a fridge, he had omitted to