Read The Cat's Pajamas for Free Online Page B

sure of the facts? He wasn’t drunk? He was drunk? Well, it’s late, but I’ll call the president.”
    The official put the phone down and slowly turned to his secretary.
    â€œDo you know that idiot Hamfritt?”
    She nodded.
    â€œDo you know what that damn fool has done?”
    â€œI can hardly wait.”
    â€œHe went off a few hours ago to an Indian reservation in North Dakota with twelve senators. Said he was investigating affairs in the territory.”
    The secretary waited.
    â€œHe then engaged in a series of roulettes with the chief of the largest tribe, Chief Iron Cloud. They put up New York City and lost that.”
    The secretary leaned forward.
    â€œThen they started gambling with states—and lost! By two in the morning, drinking with the Indian chief, they managed to lose the entire United States of America.”
    â€œHoly shit,” said the secretary.
    â€œI might kill myself, but first, who’s gonna call the White House and tell the president about this?”
    â€œNot me,” said the secretary.
    Â 
    T HE PRESIDENT OF THE U NITED S TATES ran across the airport tarmac.
    â€œMr. President!” an attaché cried. “You’re not dressed!”
    The president glanced down at the pajamas under his overcoat.
    â€œI’ll change on the plane. Where the hell are we going?”
    The attaché turned to the pilot. “Where the hell are we going?”
    The pilot glanced at a transcript and said, “The Pocahontas Big Red Casino, Ojibway, North Dakota.”
    â€œWhere in hell is that?”
    â€œOn the Canadian border,” said the attaché. “It’s safe. Only the caribou vote there. Last year, a landslide.”
    â€œIs the airport large enough for Air Force One?” said the president.
    â€œBarely.”
    â€œWhat time is it?”
    â€œThree a.m.”
    â€œMy God, the things we do to run a country,” said the president.
    On board, the president sat while drinks were poured and said, “Give me the details.”
    â€œWell, here’s how it is, Mr. President. There was a meeting of Democratic senators in North Dakota. Thirteen of them went to the Pocahontas Big Red Casino for a night of whoopee.”
    â€œYou can say that again,” said the president of the United States.
    â€œWell, one thing led to another and they wound up giving away the whole damned country.”
    â€œIn one roll of the dice?”
    â€œNo, as I heard it, one state at a time.”
    â€œMy God.”
    â€œTo be accurate, sir, they lost New York City first, but the first state to go was Florida.”
    â€œThat figures.”
    â€œAfter that it was most of the southern states. Something to do with the Civil War.”
    â€œHow’s that?”
    â€œI don’t know. It’s still all a little fuzzy. But the Civil War’s never been completely forgotten, and it would be just like southern Democrats to deal it back to the reds.”
    â€œThen what?”
    â€œWell, state by state, ending with Arizona, and the next thing you know, with a final toss, America the Beautiful, sea to shining sea, belonged to Iron Cloud.”
    â€œThe Indian chief?”
    â€œYes. He runs the casino.”
    The president mused and then said, “If they can drink, so can I. Refill my glass.”
    Â 
    T HE PRESIDENT OF THE U NITED S TATES plunged into the Pocahontas Big Red Casino and glared around.
    â€œWhere’s the smoke-filled room?”
    The attaché pointed.
    â€œAnd where are those stupid rotten damn fool senators?”
    â€œIn that room, naturally.”
    The president slammed the door wide to startle the thirteen senators, who stood staring at the floor.
    â€œSit down!” cried the president. “No, stand while I hit you! Now hear this. Are you all sober?”
    They nodded.
    â€œThen we all need a drink!”
    Smith, the attaché, hurried out of the room. In moments, vodka was