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publicity for your storage business. One would think you’d be in an expansive mood after having sold my daughter a shed full of junk for two thousand dollars.”
    His eyes danced. “Your husband is a lucky man, Mrs. Wiggins.”
    â€œI’m a poor widder woman, Mr. Cotter. That means my sweet daughter here is half an orphan. Perhaps you can find it in your heart to help a poor widder and her sweet, semi-orphan child.”
    He had a crooked smile. “Perhaps I can. Wait just a minute.”
    The second he turned his back, I was on Mama like white on rice. “Mama! What on earth was that all about? And whoever heard of a semi-orphan?”
    â€œShhh, dear. Just you wait and see.”
    We didn’t have to wait long. Mr. Cotter returned with two pages that appeared to be fresh from his printer. He started to pass them to Mama around the side of the screen door, but then opened it wide.
    â€œThe information you wanted is on this first sheet. But like I said, it won’t do you any good. The second page contains the names, addresses, and phone numbers of everyone who signed up to bid. I took the liberty of circling the names of the top five bidders, not counting the young lady here. Don’t know why, but they might come in handy. My phone number is on the masthead as well, in case you get the widder woman blues and need a little company.”
    â€œThank you,” Mama twittered, sounding every bit as coquettish as she might have had Brad Pitt handed her his unmentionables.
    I waited until we were in the car and Mama had stopped twittering. “Mama, don’t you think you went a bit far, throwing yourself at him like that?”
    She patted her pearls. Mama’s emotions are obvious when one observes the manner in which she handles those mollusk secretions. When they start spinning, you know you’re in deep doo-doo.
    â€œWhy Abigail Louise! I most certainly did not throw myself at that impossibly handsome man.”
    â€œI’d need a crowbar to pry you loose from him.”
    The pearls began to move. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
    â€œSo, how long are you going to wait until you call him?”
    The pearls made one full rotation, then stopped. “I think I’ll call him right now, dear. Thanks for the suggestion.”
    â€œBut Mama, we’re still in the parking lot.”
    â€œThen I won’t have to worry about a signal, will I?” she said, and dialed.

5
    T here are few things more embarrassing than having one’s mother engage in wanton phone flirtation with a man whose house you can see. I closed my eyes to keep him from seeing me and pressed my hands against my ears. The only thing that kept me from singing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” at the top of my lungs was my consideration for Mama. She doesn’t hear quite as well as she used to, particularly when there are background sounds. Finally she flipped her phone closed and revved the engine.
    â€œDon’t let me forget, dear. We’re meeting at McCrady’s, a week from Thursday, for dinner. Seven o’clock. We would have made it this week, but Survivor ’s on, and we both think the teams are being merged. Isn’t that exciting, Abby?”
    â€œThat you watch the same TV shows? I’m sure that’s more than a lot of couples have in common,Mama, but there’s a catch: you don’t watch first-run television. You haven’t since Father Knows Best went off the air.”
    Mama shook her very gray but well-coiffed head. “Abby, I’m beginning to think that as a mother I failed you. It’s not what a man believes that’s important, but what he thinks he believes. That’s why it’s always important to get dressed and undressed under the covers.”
    â€œThat didn’t make a lick of sense, Mama.”
    â€œLife is one long allusion, dear.”
    â€œDon’t you mean illusion?”
    â€œI know