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deserve the comfort of your touch, Jake. I don’t deserve to be standing in this same room with you.”
    I hear the blankets move and Jake tries to sit up. He quickly gives up. “Becca, come here.” I shake my head at him. “Jake, I’m the reason you are in that bed. I’m the reason you almost died.” Jake just stares at me before he answers. “Becca, I love you. Stop this and come over here.” I back away towards the door and I see panic go across his face. His expression quickly changes to anger. I turn around and grab the door handle to reach my escape. “GOD, Becca! Why can’t you just let someone love you…” Jake never yells at me and this brings back the tears.
    “Because that got someone killed the last time. Then I fell in love again and it nearly killed people. My love is toxic, Jake. I’m toxic! Don’t you see that?” I’m barely able to catch my breath as I say the words that have been plaguing me for far too long. “My love kills people, Jake. You’d all be better off without me in your lives. I’ve been thinking, and I’m leaving, Jake. When this semester is done, I’m leaving, and I don’t think I’m coming back.”
    “Rebecca Potts, get your twiggy ass over hear right now!” I keep my eyes on the floor, hoping he’ll just let me walk away. I feel like all I do is cause them to be put in jeopardy. “Move it, Rebecca, or so help me, God, I will get out of this bed and pop all these stitches to get to you.” I sulk and start walking over to the side of his bed, but I don’t look at him. His hand tucks under my chin and pulls my eyes to him. I try and blink back the tears. I see that he has unshed tears in his eyes, causing what little power I’d had to control my emotions to fade. I begin to sob, standing next to the bed with Jake. I feel his hand leave my face. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the bed beside him. I feel guilty immediately for the comfort I’m feeling. “Jake, please let me leave. I just bring more trouble.”
    “Becca, what in the hell are you talking about?” I hadn’t told anyone about the note that was left under my door that I found this morning. I feel its presence in my pocket, causing this heavy burning feeling. I can’t tell him or he will worry. No one can know. I have to keep this from everyone. “Jake, you are hurting because of me. I love you and that almost got you killed. I won’t… I can’t… please, don’t make this harder than it already is.” I try to pull away but he won’t let go. “I go where you go, Becca, and don’t forget that. Whatever happened with Dillon, I would not let it change us. Keegan won’t either. Neither of us will blame for you for this. It wasn’t your fault. We both love you.” I jump out of the bed and push against the wall before Jake realizes I’m gone. “Becca, what?” I shake my head because I realize that no one has told Jake about Keegan. I slide down the wall and just keep rocking back and forth, unable to tell him the words I haven’t said it out loud. Saying it to Jake will make it real and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“ALEC!!” I vaguely hear Jake yelling but I can’t come out of this. When he finds out the damage has been permanent for Keegan, he will hate me for this. Jake will get better but there is no guarantee that Keegan will ever get that year and a half back. I feel myself being picked up but I know it’s not by Alec. It is Drake. “Breathe, Becca. Just take deep breaths.” I feel my chest tightening and my breath becoming uneven. I’m having an anxiety attack; I open my eyes and see Jake staring helplessly from his bed. His eyes tell the confusion and they narrow when Drake puts me on his lap in the chair beside the bed. “Drake, what are you doing? What’s going on? Becca hates you? Why did she freak out about Keegan? What the hell happened while I was…” I turn in Drake’s lap and look at him. “Do you want me to tell him, Becca?” I shake my head at