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pleasure to the person inflicting it, but with never a mention that it could injure the other. I was aware boys from other schools called our school Cornhole, and by it meant to suggest the boys at Cornhill were unusually addicted to sodomy. So it was a shock to discover this seemingly playful exercise of superiority could injure.
    This might seem naive on my part, but it stemmed from the nature of my experience and reading. I myself had been fucked many times by many persons, but never with the slightest discomfort, with only pleasure. As for all the reading I did in my grandfather's pornographic collection, I read only those books where sex was kind and beautiful. I found a single page of the Marquis de Sade sufficient to disenchant me on the uses of pain in sex. Most authors give themselves away in the first few pages, so I could quickly discard the ones I knew would displease me. So never, in the books I did read, was sodomy even a little unpleasant, let alone painful and damaging.
    Who did it? I asked. I hoped he'd say Jack Foster", though I knew it couldn't have been.
    He hesitated. They said if I told, I'd live to regret it.
    You know you can tell me, don't you?
    Yes. But still he hesitated. I waited. Jamie Crawford, he said. He was the leader. He seemed to expect some comment from me, but I remained silent. There were more, he went on. I waited. Tony Applegate. And Gordie Phillips. And Lloyd Waterman. But not Corkie Jennings.
    They were all members of the soccer team, and top-formers. Did they know you were bleeding like this?
    Yes. That's why Jennings wouldn't do it. But Jamie saidI think it was Jamieif I went to the infirmary, I'd live to regret it. They said it would be sore a couple of days, then I'd be begging them to do it to me again.
    I dabbed carefully at his asshole. (Does so direct, so basic a term offend you? I know anus is correct, but it sounds prissy, and I am not a prissy person. Actually, asshole is used more pejoratively than otherwise, but unless I want to be meticulously accurate, if I want to refer only to the anus, or only to the rectum, I shall be free with asshole for either or both, referring to it as a sexual object, exactly as I shall feel free to use those common euphemisms for the penis and the scrotum/testicles, cock and balls. If you are offended on first reading, you will find you quickly become adjusted.)
    The bleeding had, indeed, stopped, but there was an ugly bruise that disfigured the whole area. I knew it must be extremely sore. And for the first time in my life, an act of sodomy brought cold rage to me. Those evil five had betrayed the sweet passion, the perfect communication between two persons which sodomy can be, much as Judas is said to have perverted the kiss.
    In a way, I raged for Jeff, but it was a cool, calculating rage. Something had to be done.
    Why did they do it? Jeff asked, still innocent despite the ravishment.
    What could I tell him? That his beauty, his aloofness was a taunt and a goad? That it too sharply brought home to others their commonness? They are sick, I said. This, as I hoped, seemed to comfort him. We can understand sickness where we cannot understand gratuitous cruelty.
    Can I sleep with you tonight?
    Oh God! I think you had better sleep in your own bed, I said, with an effort that dismayed me, enervated me.
    I might get blood on your sheets, he said.
    Would you like to be roommates?
    For the first time he looked directly at me. You think I need to be protected?
    I couldn't help admiring his astuteness at the same time that I wracked my intelligence for a good answer. I decided on the truth. I can teach you how to handle them. I can be your friend and teacher, but never your keeper.
    And you want to?
    Yes, I admitted.
    Did you want to before?
    I had not expected this. Yes, I admitted.
    I'd like to room with you, but can you arrange it?
    I can arrange anything.
     
     
    In order to deal with our enemies, I had to know everything about them. Though it