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these anxieties away from you - to blow them away, as if they were dust from the earth. I see now that my duty is to be a soldier. Everything points to it. In that way I shall cost you nothing. And I know now that I need discipline. I haveromantic tendencies. In a barracks these will be corrected by the practical, unromantic duties of my daily life - the shit house, the fever ward, the route march, foot inspection. Later, when I see action, I shall have nothing to fear, because life, after all, is a goal, not a means. I have it in mind to apply to the Cuirassiers of the Elector’s Guard.’
    ‘ Scheisskerl , shut your muzzle!’ bellowed the Big Cross.
    ‘That is not the way to address my son, or any decent man’s son,’ said the Freiherr. ‘But it’s true that he’s talking like an idiot.’
    ‘But Karl -‘ Fritz broke in.
    ‘- is a smart young fellow, anxious to start life on his own account,’ the Uncle cried. ‘Whereas you! - The Cuirassiers! - I have heard you say at my own table, when you were the age that Karl is now, that life would be better if it were a dream, and that perhaps it will become one. Where is your practical ability? You’ve never even seen a man wounded!’
    Fritz left the room. ‘Whatever you have been talking about, you have put things much too strongly,’ said Sidonie, coming past with two of the servants carrying coffee and bread and butter, which the Uncle, in disgust, waved away from a distance.
    ‘At least they are agreed,’ said Fritz. ‘They are at one in thinking me incapable, and possibly a coward.’
    Sidonie pressed his elbow in sympathy. But through the open doors of the salon the Uncle and the Father could be seen to turn towards each other in furious confrontation.
    ‘Leave your son’s concerns to me. You know absolutely nothing of these matters.’
    ‘You forget that I served seven years in the Hanoverian Legion,’ cried the Freiherr.
    ‘But without acquiring the slightest military competence.’
    Karl and Sidonie took the dejected Fritz into the garden, and down to the orchard. ‘We’re going to have pears and plums innumerable this year,’ said Sidonie. ‘Wherever did you get such a stupid idea? Why should you think you would ever make a soldier?’
    ‘Where is your sense?’ added Karl.
    ‘I don’t know. Tell me, Karl, what makes a man a soldier?’
    ‘I, myself, wanted to enter the service of my Prince. I also wanted to get away from home,’ said Karl.
    ‘Won’t you miss us, Karl?’ asked Sidonie.
    ‘I cannot afford to think about that sort of thing. I am of more use to you all, in any case, out in the world. And you, Sido, will soon be married, and forget about your brothers.’
    ‘Never!’ cried Sidonie.

12
The Sense of Immortality
    O NCE he had got rid of the Uncle and his travelling entourage of body-servants and cooks, who had been infesting the kitchen quarters, Freiherr von Hardenberg summoned his eldest son and told him that after his year at Leipzig and a further year at Wittenberg to study chemistry, geology and law he would be ready to take his first steps as a trainee clerk in the Directorate of Salt Mines. Erasmus would be sent from Leipzig to Hubertusberg, where he would enrol in the School of Forestry, a wholesome, open-air life for which so far he had shown no inclination whatsoever. Karl had already seen action, at the age of sixteen. He had been with his regiment when the French were driven out of Mainz. He expected to come home frequently. It was not at all difficult to get army leave. Officers on leave were not paid, so that until they reported back, the regiment was able to save money.
    If Fritz sometimes took the diligence, or walked long distances, it was because he rarely had a decent horse toride. If ever he managed to hire or borrow one, he noted it down in his diary. His own horse, known only as the Gaul (the Crock), he could remember at Oberwiederstadt, although he had been too young to ride him until they moved to