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wanted to live alone. Carol always distanced herself from the few friends he had, making his life very difficult. But now that she was gone his resentments were mixed together with sadness for the loss of a much loved person. These feelings were tearing him apart. He was wrestling with his thoughts.
    I would give anything to get her back. Anything, he thought, staring at the cottage and rolling countryside below. Why? Why? I don’t understand. Life’s not fair. Carol was fine five weeks ago. I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. James shook his head slowly. It’s my fault. I should have made her go to the hospital or made them come here. Why was she so stubborn?
    James’ thoughts made his head spin. He was unable to think straight and the full intensity of this mother’s death overwhelmed him. Tears formed slowly in his eyes before gently meandering down his cheeks.
    What do I do now? James thought, while the tears flowed. I don’t want to stay here all alone. But what about the cottage? He took a deep breath and wiped his face. I could sell it. Move! Yes, I could move. But what about Carol and Lex? I can’t leave them here alone. He felt like he was trapped in this remote place, where all purpose of his life had been stolen away. All he had was his memories. His mind wandered back to one of the few reminiscences of his father.
    *****
    James was five. It was a clear late summer evening and there was a gentle breeze blowing through the valley. That day Lex had made him a bright scarlet coloured model aeroplane, which they spent the evening gliding down the hillside at the rear of the cottage. When it became too dark to see James sat down alongside him, half way up the hillside.
    James pointed up into the night sky.
    ‘Look, dad, an aeroplane?’
    ‘That’s not an aeroplane.’
    ‘What is it, dad?’
    ‘It’s called a shooting star,’ Lex replied, watching the bright white line fading quickly away.
    He coughed.
    ‘What’s a shooting star?’
    Lex picked up a large stone that lay nearby.
    ‘A large rock, which may have been as big as you, has got very hot and burned up in the sky like a giant firework.’
    ‘Did someone throw it?’
    Lex paused for a moment and gazed up at the sky.
    ‘No,’ he coughed. ‘It’s been travelling for a very long time.’
    ‘Where did it come from, Dad?’
    ‘Somewhere out there,’ he said, pointing to the sky. ‘See all those lights?’ Lex coughed once more. ‘One day you’ll look down from up there.’
    ‘Will I be able to fly?’
    ‘Yes, son,’ Lex replied and smiled.
    ‘Lex!’ Carol shouted from the cottage below. ‘It’s time for James to go to bed.’
    ‘Coming, dear,’ Lex replied.
    ‘Oh! Do we have to?’ James said.
    Lex coughed more violently. He took two large deep breaths.
    ‘Are you all right, Dad?’ James asked.
    ‘Yes, I think so. Let’s go in! You heard your mother,’ Lex said.
    ‘I want to stay and watch the stars,’ James said, smiling at his father to try to convince him.
    ‘Come on! There’s always tomorrow…’
    *****
    Raindrops started to fall on James’ face, bringing him back to reality. He looked up at the angry clouds. I’ll be soaked in minutes , he thought, but nothing seemed to matter anymore, and he lay back on the hill.
    *****
    It took some time for James to finally come to terms with his mother’s death. He spent hours just sitting up on the hillside or in his favourite armchair in the living room, worrying and contemplating his life ahead.
    Sitting once again in his usual soft armchair, he was admiring a small magnogenic canvas of a brightly coloured flower hanging above the fireplace. Carol always liked that painting. It reminded her of where she grew up. The flower’s so unusual; it has so many colours. I wish I could paint like that.
    James looked across to where Carol would have sat. His attention was drawn to the small box Carol had given him, sitting on the chest beneath the small bay window. He