again. âHow long?â
âNot long.â She turned around. Charles was naked save for his boxer shorts. His pale shoulders were drooped in a sad way that made her want to go to him, and through the slightly open slit of his shorts, she glimpsed a small part of his limp penis, the sight of which left her feeling tender and proprietary toward him. He was hersâher lover, her friend, her companion.
âFrom what?â he asked.
âCancer.â
He nodded.
âItâs gone to the brain,â she said. âThatâs why I get dizzy.â
âJesus,â he said.
âItâll get worse,â she continued, unable to stop herself. âBefore itâs over, I might not be able to make facial expressions. I might not be able to pronounce words correctly.â She shrugged. âIâm sorry,â she said.
âYou didnât tell me any of this.â
âWe were having a fling,â she said. âThat was our agreement.â
She sat down next to him, but he moved away and then stood up and began hurriedly dressing. âNo,â she said. She hadnât meant to say that.
He struggled to tie his necktie, finally just letting its ends fall. âIâve got to go for a while,â he said. He picked his shoes up from the floor, walked into the hallway in his socks, and closed the door behind him.
She hadnât expected the heartbreak, the thoughts of him, the simple, unrelenting desire for an absent person. She called twice and left messages. In the first, she asked him to please call. In the second, she was blunt. âCall me, Charles. Call me today.â She was shocked by her aggression, her outright command. But she was even more surprised by the fact that he didnât call, not on that day and not on the next. The third time she called, Ryan answered with a flat, face-slapping, âYeah, who is it?â
âKate,â she said softly. âIâd like to speak to your father.â
âWhat did you do to him?â Sheâd expected the rudeness, but not the defensiveness, the obvious anger in his voice.
âIâd like to speak to him.â
âHeâs not here.â He paused. âWhat did you do to him?â
âI donât think thatâs really your concern.â
âHe was crying the other day. He was just sitting at the table crying. I guess you found out just how much you could push him around. Iâd say youâre an expert at that.â
The rage in Ryanâs voice left her both overwhelmed by guilt and glad that there was love for Charles mixed in with his sonâs bitterness. âPlease tell him I called.â
âMaybe I will,â he said, and then hung up.
By mid-November, the beautiful portion of fall had ended. The winds came and blasted the leaves from the trees, and the rains turned them to brown gutter slush. The dark fell early, and more often than not Kate woke to gray mornings and the wet sounds of cars driving through water-drenched streets. Melissa continued to stay away, arriving home late in the evenings and slipping out of the house with her book bag early in the mornings. Kate worked half days now at the bank. Sheâd told her bad news to her district manager, who was happy to let her work until she no longer could. She spent her solitary afternoons at home rereading old mysteries and watching stacks of rented movies. She slept. She hoped that Charles would call. And she prepared herself for what would be a quieter, lonelier death than sheâd expected.
Just when it seemed things would go on in this way, Kate came home from work one afternoon to find Melissa on the couch hugging her knees. She was in her favorite pajamasâthin yellow cotton with blue polka dotsâand her eyes were raw from crying. In the crook of one arm, she held her worn-out teddy bear. Kate sat down on the opposite end of the couch. âWhereâs Mark?â she