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stumble.” Aunt Mildred
went to Rodney’s bed and helped him out of his pajamas. He tried very hard with
his little arms to be of some assistance but his tiny hands would not do what
his brain wanted them to do. After Aunt Mildred had removed the top and bottom
halves of his pajamas, Wayne started to laugh. It was very much a baby’s laugh,
like a little baby giggle, but there was definite thirteen-year-old mirth involved.
Mirth at Rodney’s expense.
“What are you laughing about, you chubby baby!” Rodney squeaked.
“ You !” answered Wayne. “Those underpants look huge on you!”
“And you don’t have on huge underpants yourself?” Rodney shot back.
“I guess so,” said Wayne sheepishly. “I guess we both look pretty foolish.”
“Oh you look adorable!” said Aunt Mildred as she picked Rodney up and put him
down on the floor. Then she went to Wayne’s bed and began to undress him. Once
the boys had both been set upon the floor, they attempted together to pull themselves
up into a standing position by climbing their little hands up their bedposts.
After some grunting and a great deal of effort, they got themselves to their
feet. It was a good start.
“Now come toward me, boys,” said Aunt Mildred, lowering herself to a
squat. “Let me see if you are still babies or if you’ve reached the toddler
stage yet.”
Rodney took a step away from his bed and promptly fell down. Wayne took a step
away from his own bed and then another step and then another, each one coming
faster than the last, until he was hurtling uncontrollably toward Aunt Mildred,
on a collision course with her bony knees. Just short of his great aunt’s outstretched
arms, Wayne toppled headlong to the floor.
“But that’s a good sign, isn’t it?” said Aunt Mildred, helping Wayne into a
seated position and then clapping her hands gleefully together as if the boys
really were babies who required encouragement. “It means that you just have
to work at it a little and you’ll both be up and walking around in no time.”
Rodney scowled. “What are you talking about, Aunt Mildred?” he said through
his tiny baby mouth. “We’re not going to stay like this! I’m sure that the Professor
is in his laboratory right this moment working on a machine to undo this. Can
you take us to his house?”
“Right now? Right this very minute? But I have to get you some breakfast! I
have to buy baby food! I have to go up into the attic and find your high chairs
and find the double baby carriage that I used to roll you around in. It will
take me all morning to get things ready for us to go to the Professor’s house.
Why don’t I just call him up on the phone and have him come over?”
Rodney and Wayne looked at one another and shrugged. It probably did work better for the Professor to come there.
“Now crawl around if you like, but be careful and don’t pull any table lamps
down on your heads.” (Aunt Mildred was always worried about things coming down
on people’s heads and giving them amnesia as was always happening to the characters
in her favorite radio soap opera Helen Grant, Backstage Nurse. )
Rodney scowled anew. “Aunt Mildred, we might look like babies to you, but we’re
actually thirteen-year-olds who are merely trapped inside the bodies of babies.”
Aunt Mildred nodded. “I must remember that it is our physical bodies that have
gotten younger and not our brains, or else you would not be able to talk to
me the way you are and would be drooling a little. Please forgive me, boys.
But I must say, though: it is such a delight to see you so young and adorable
again. I so hated it when you boys had to grow up.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Wayne, trying his best to be agreeable, but still sounding
like something the world had never before seen: a sarcastic baby.
From down the hall now came the sound of a ringing telephone. “Speak of the
Devil! That could be