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the floor in front of them. Nanny Piggins made a mental note to re-catch hers later because it was a big one with long legs and it would be a shame to let it run wild. Apart from making excellent racers, cockroaches can be tremendously handy for shocking hygienic people and clearing long queues at the deli.
    Mr Green saw nothing wrong with the disarray of furniture, or the fact that his children were sitting on the floor among an infestation of insects. Because, in truth, he was not looking at them. Whenever his children came into his eye-line, he looked through them. He found parenthood less disturbing that way. He had come into the room to impart the minimum possible information to the nanny and then retreat.
    Nanny Piggins could sense this, so she did not speak. She did not want to encourage him to hang around any longer than he had to.
    'I shall be going away for a few days,' said Mr Green.
    The children's first instinct was to squeal with joy. It was always nice when their father was out of the house. But it was extra, especially nice if they knew, for sure, he would not be coming back for days and days.
    'I trust you will be all right with the children,' continued Mr Green.
    'Yes,' agreed Nanny Piggins.
    There was an awkward pause.
    'I suppose you'll need the contact details of where I'm staying,' said Mr Green glumly.
    'No, that's all right. If something terrible happens we can wait and tell you all about it when you get back,' said Nanny Piggins.
    Mr Green much preferred it this way. He was very pleased that the nanny suggested it. Unfortunately for Mr Green, in looking forward to five days without any contact with his three children, he had a temporary brain spasm and said the following: 'Then I will leave the key to the car for you. In case you need to drive somewhere. You know, rushing the children to the hospital in the middle of the night, that sort of thing.' With that, he took his car key off his keyring and laid it down on the kitchen bench.
    'Thank you,' said Nanny Piggins. 'I don't imagine I will use it. But it's good to know I can, in case of a really, really extreme emergency. Like someone's hand being accidentally chopped off.'
    'All right then,' said Mr Green. He often said meaningless things in place of making actual conversation. 'I'll be off. So, goodbye, I suppose.'
    'Goodbye,' said Nanny Piggins and the children.
    The door had barely swung back to the doorpost before Nanny Piggins leaped up from the floor and, in an act of unexpected athleticism, hurled herself at the kitchen counter, snatching up the key as quickly as humanly – or rather pigly – possible.
    'The key to the car!' said Nanny Piggins in awestruck tones. 'This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.'
    'He didn't actually give it to you,' Derrick pointed out. He wanted Nanny Piggins to have the key to the car as much as anyone but he still thought it was important to be accurate. 'He just lent it to you.'
    'Yes, he lent me this key. But when I take it to the key cutter and get a copy made, that one will be mine to keep!' explained Nanny Piggins and, indeed, Derrick could not argue with that.
    'Just think, with this key we could go anywhere,' said Nanny Piggins.
    'Anywhere until you get to the sea and have to swap into a boat,' reasoned Samantha.
    'I'm sure I could get a nice boat in exchange for your father's car. It's brand new and he has it washed all the time,' said Nanny Piggins.
    This frightened Samantha. 'I wasn't suggesting you swap father's car.'
    'No, of course not,' agreed Nanny Piggins. 'But it's nice to know I can if I absolutely need to. You know, to ensure world peace or something.'
    Samantha was only slightly reassured.
    'Let's go and look at it,' suggested Nanny Piggins.
    Moments later, Nanny Piggins and the children stood looking at Mr Green's car. It was a Rolls Royce and they are usually very expensive. But Mr Green had got it cheap because something had gone wrong at the paint-mixing factory. The car had been