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Prynne humiliated, with a scarlet “A” for adultery sewn to her dress in Puritan New England.Even better.Maybe my thesis would keep me out of trouble.Besides, it wasn’t like Alan had come onto me or anything.He was probably no longer attracted to me.Great.Now I was dejected.
    Throughout the day, every time his hand accidentally brushed mine or his eyes locked onto my eyes, I reminded myself of the literary victims of adultery.It seemed to work.Now all I needed was to reinforce these thoughts with a cold shower.
    “You’ve been awfully quiet.” Alan handed me an ice cream cone and we watched from a bench as the kids played in the dinosaur discovery pit. For a moment I wondered how long it would take to get the sand out of their hair, clothes, and unmentionable orifices.
    “I guess I have.Sorry about that.”I took a mouthful of ice cream to avoid answering him in detail.
    “No matter what we say, there still is this . . . this thing between us, isn’t there?”His frankness caught me off guard.
    “I guess so.”He was right.I had no answers.
    Alan took his eyes off the kids, giving me his full attention, “Maybe because we have unresolved issues?”
    “You should have gone into psychoanalysis.You always were good at picking apart our emotions.”
    He leaned back, “Yeah.I was also good at deceiving you.”
    I was stunned.There it was.“Just once.”
    Alan frowned, “Do you think you will ever forgive me?”
    “I forgave you a long, long time ago.What I want to know is did you ever forgive me?”
    Shock played across his face, “For what?”
    “We were too young.I wanted too much from you.I made the relationship too demanding.”
    His jaw dropped open, “If by too demanding you mean that you didn’t want me fooling around, I’d say that was pretty understandable!”
    “What I’m trying to say, is that we both contributed to the breakup of the relationship, whether we realized it at the time or not.”Did I really say that?Wow.I may be more mature than I thought.
    Alan sat back, considering this, “Maybe you’re right.I wish I had known you felt that way though.I’ve been beating myself up for a while over it.”
    “You aren’t serious.”Was he serious?His look told me he was.It was my turn to look shocked, “Then I wish I had told you this years ago.I never wanted you to feel bad about it.I look back at those years with fondness, not anger.”
    “Really?I had no idea.” he gazed off into the distance and we sat in silence, finishing our ice cream.Actually, I was more surprised by my own words than by his.But it was true.I never did hate him or even feel angry.How weird was that?Most people didn’t feel that way.Right?
    “Do you think it would have changed anything . . . if I had told you that, that is?” I floundered.
    Alan looked at me for a moment before responding, “I don’t know.”
    I scrambled to end this conversation before it got too weird, “Well, you can’t change the past, can you?So I guess in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.”
    He said nothing but smiled weakly at me and I realized I had crossed the line.Why did I have to be so goddamned open?!Now I had upset him. Jesus, Laura! Suddenly, all the thoughts I’d suppressed all day flooded into my head.I was overcome with an irresistible urge to kiss him and it took every ounce of energy I had to remain where I was, feigning an abnormal interest in my ice cream cone.
    “You’re blushing.” Alan said and I realized he’d been watching me.
    “Am not.” I lied.My skin felt like it was on fire.I thought about smearing my ice cream on my face, but thought that might just come off as a bit over the top.
    Alan reached up and touched my face with his fingers, “It’s okay.”
    I felt my skin burning under his touch, “Thanks.Any time you need to be amused by my humiliation, I’m here.”
    Alan laughed and I felt the heat subside.What a strange conversation.As embarrassing as it was, I kind of liked