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what clothes the kids and I would wear, and what it would take to get us where we need to go.
    But what if he was thinking about me?Ridiculous!Why should he?And why should I care?But what if he is?He did say he had another confession . . .
    Stop it!Stop it this instant!You are driving yourself crazy and it probably amounts to nothing – I tried to tell myself.You are married.Well, maybe your marriage isn’t that great, but then whose is?Stop wasting your time thinking about the married man next door who will be going back to his wife while you are heading back to your husband!
    I don’t usually argue with myself, and decided not to continue this train of thought.It was too destructive.Closing my eyes, I made my mind blank and slowly willed myself to sleep.
     

 
    Chapter 5
     
    By nine o’clock I was dressed and ready to go before Alan knocked on the door. After some quick thinking in the shower, I decided I was reading too much into the whole thing.My imagination was running away with me and that, I told myself, was a dangerous thing.This could be fun, but I had to face the fact that nothing should ever, nor probably would ever come of it.
    Breakfast went a little more smoothly.We seemed to have the routine down after only one day and everyone got to eat at the same time.The kids were unbelievably excited, and now that they were friends, enthusiasm replaced the shyness of the day before to the point where I thought sedatives might become necessary.
    The bus ride to the next park was less tense than yesterday.Once again, I noticed smiles from the other passengers who obviously thought we were one big family of six.Something about the idea of revenge made me let it all slide.
    The first thing the kids wanted to do was the African Safari Ride and I sat with the girls, behind Alan and the boys.The giraffes and zebras didn’t interest me as much as the back of Alan’s head, for some reason.Ben asked Alan a question and I watched in awe as he lowered his head to hear him, and then patiently answered him.
    A little electric shock went through me.What was this?Attraction?My skin grew warm as blood rushed to the surface.I tried to fight it.After all, we are married, but to other people.
    But, we had been lovers once.This man in front of me had given me pleasure and excitement.I shook my head to clear it.That was a long, long time ago and we were very young.
    Still, I remembered the day we finally broke up.He had cheated on me.One late night phone call from another girl’s boyfriend warning me to keep my boyfriend away from his girlfriend had ended it all.Alan promised to reform but I couldn’t live with that one transgression.Ironic, isn’t it?Considering what I put up with now.
    Looking back, it hadn’t haunted me like I expected it to.I forgave him years ago and chalked the whole thing up to immaturity on both sides.But a little nagging voice made me wonder if he had ever done it again.
    Oh Christ.Why did I care?Really, I needed to get a grip.
    Still, the idea had a tinge of irony.I stopped short of telling Alan last night that the subject of my doctoral thesis was adultery in literature.Why didn’t I tell him?Was there the possibility that we could have an affair on this trip?
    I pinched myself to stop pursuing this line of thought.Don’t poison the trip with thoughts of sleeping with Alan!But the match had been lit and in moments I imagined us locked in a steamy, sweaty embrace while the kids slept in the next room.Damn, he was still gorgeous.
    Ice cream cones . . . fluffy, declawed kittens . . . my darling children . . .I tried to clear my head.Alan looked back at me and winked.Shit. Dried out worms… a Republican-controlled legislature . . . a leprous Sumo wrestler in a Speedo . . .Alan in a Speedo . . .No, not working.
    I tried another approach, envisioning Anna Karenina throwing herself in front of the locomotive, unable to live with the consequences of her affair with Count Vronsky.Hmmm… this had merit.Hester