Read Ten Tributes to Calvino for Free Online Page B

torch…”
    “Don’t be inane! That’s a joke, not a product!”
    The other merchant gritted his teeth. “You misunderstand: it works off artificial light too! A real bargain!”
    “Tell you what: why don’t we leave each other alone and go back out to search for some proper victims?”
    As they climbed up the steps and then left the café, the sun shook his head and clucked his tongue. “Wine is bottled sunlight, so they say, and that cellar was full of rare vintages, so I overheard everything! Don’t they realise that Pluto is no longer an official planet? It was demoted in 2006 for an unspecified misdemeanour!”
     
    THE BEACH BALL
     
    The sun passed over a crowded beach in the middle of summer. He saw that people were throwing a yellow beach ball back and forth, yelling in joy as they caught it in outstretched arms. The sun studied the likeness of the ball and was highly flattered. They hadn’t included any spots. “That’s me, that is!” he announced proudly.
     
    THE SUN BED
     
    The two merchants approached the sun and said, “We have something to sell you that we know you’ll find very useful. In this box is the latest kind of sun bed! It’s very comfortable and perfect for tired suns. After a tough day crossing the sky and sharing your life-giving energy with plants and animals, you probably need to put your rays up and take it easy. There’s no better place than in this bed.”
    “I don’t need much rest, to be honest,” explained the sun. “Just a few minutes of shut-eye every now and then; I get my winks during eclipses. Your product doesn’t interest me.”
    “Don’t you ever take a siesta?”
    “Only if the heat of a nearby star gets too much for me to continue my work. And that hasn’t occurred yet.”
    “Then we’ll come back after the next supernova.”
    “Sorry, I don’t buy that either!”
     
    THE JEWELLER
     
    There was a girl who took crystals and wrapped them in wire and twisted the wire into elaborate patterns, so the crystals could be hung from little chains and worn around the neck.
    In the sunlight, these crystals shone with many colours.
    “What are you up to?” asked the sun, as it passed overhead. “What are you doing with those sparkly things?”
    “I’m making pedants,” answered the girl.
    “Pedants? I think you mean pendants ,” corrected the sun.
    The girl smiled. “Yes, those too.”
     
    THE MUSIC SHOP
     
    The sun poked its nose into a music shop and saw a depressed prisoner in a cobwebbed corner. “What’s wrong?”
    The prisoner said nothing in reply. Nothing at all.
    “Let me guess,” pondered the sun. “Did you share this grim shop with a friend who entertained you with tales of distant places, through which you lived vicariously as a traveller? But now your friend has been moved to a different shop and you are bored again. The bubbles of illusion have all burst. Is that what occurred?”
    The prisoner remained silent, unresponsive.
    And so the sun said enticingly:
    “If you speak to me, I’ll write down everything you say. Maybe a book can be made from it; a bestseller!”
    Still no answer, no enthusiasm, nothing.
    A gust entered the abandoned shop through a crack. The strings of the neglected instruments sang badly.
    “What has happened?” cried the sun. “Don’t you recognise me? Rusty cello! Rusty cello! My old friend!”
    The sun often makes linguistic mistakes.
    According to the moon…
     
    THE SUNDIAL
     
    “I wonder what time it is?” the sun said as it passed over a land where trees were dropping fruit. There was no one to ask; but then it spotted a sundial in an overgrown garden. “I just need to consult this delightful contrivance and then I’ll know.”
    But it came away frustrated.
    “Typical! The part that holds the information is the one part that’s in shadow and I can’t see a thing!”
     
    TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE
     
    In fact it’s time to wind up this set of absurd little stories and explain that the