the
hangover that Virginia nursed him through), Brian resolved to tell
Tate that he was gay, and it was love, and that Tate could stop
playing the teenaged-girl-he-likes-me locker game with the
customer who was his latest crush.
O f course, he would come home from school that day and find
Tate all excited about his latest date.
Brian watched Tate spiking his hair, choosing the exact right
sparkly shirt and ripped jeans, pulling his favorite leather cuffs and
studded collar out of his drawer, and thought, I’m right here!
Dammit, Tate, you don’t need al that shit, I’m right HE RE !
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he’d ended up asking
weakly. “You don’t real y know anything about this guy.” Aw,
geez… lame much, Brian? “I mean—” he closed his eyes and
swallowed,“—maybe you should have him here for dinner, or, you
know, go to the movies or something.”
Tate looked at him incredulously. “I’m not a girl in the Victorian
age, Brian. I want to get laid, remember? I mean, I’m giving it up!
It’s here! It’s free! How bad can this go?”
It’s free? “Well, maybe it shouldn’t be free!” Brian snapped.
“Maybe it’s more valuable than that. Maybe you should put a price
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40
on it, dammit, and wait for a relationship instead of some guy you
think is going to pop your cherry just be-fucking-cause!”
Tate’s body had given a convulsive jerk—yup, things just got
too intense for him, no doubt about it. “I’m not into anything
serious,” he lied. He pulled out face powder—he got his in the
shade of ghostly white, and Brian reached out a shaking hand and
took it from him.
“Don’t,” he said gruffly, and Tate looked at him, surprised.
“You put that shit on so no one has to see you. I like you. If this guy
doesn’t like you for you, he doesn’t deserve to touch you.”
Tate’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down several times in
quick succession, and the skin around his high cheekbones grew
tight. “Look, G ranola,” he tried to joke, “not everybody can carry off
the homegrown look like you do, okay? Some of us need a little
help.” He reached out to take his face powder back, and Brian
found he’d clenched his fingers around it fiercely.
“You spend your food money on this shit, Tate. I may be
‘granola,’ but I’ve got a feeling for what’s good for you. This date…
this idea… these things are not good for you.”
Tate sighed and looked down at his hand reaching for the
powder. It was the hand with the scars, and although Tate had the
entire sleeve tattoo done by this time (thank you, scholarship), the
hand was too scarred to take the ink. It was, in fact, disfigured.
There had been some muscle damage during the fire and two of his
fingers and the side of his palm were only partial y functional, as
well as withered and twisted. He had a variety of half-fingered
gloves in leather, wool, and cotton, most of them black, to cover his
right hand, but he wasn’t wearing one of those now. Although it was
the hand he wrote with, very few people guessed how hard he had
to work to make that happen.
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41
“It’s sweet of you to worry,” he said, looking at his fingers as
they touched Brian’s. Brian looked, too, and deliberately moved his
hand so that it covered Tate’s.
“I care about you,” he said roughly, and his heart started
hammering wildly. This is it! I’m going to tel him! I’m going to tel him and he won’t go!
And then there was a different sort of hammering. Tate’s
shoulders spasmed and he dropped the powder. The case
shattered and the little cake inside crumbled on the peeling vinyl of
the floor.
“F uck!” they both said in tandem, except Tate was crouching
on the ground, picking up the pieces, and Brian was stepping
around him to go get the broom from the kitchen.
“I’ll get it!” Tate commanded. “Just get the door.”
The hammering