no talent. But we both got a job to do, and weâre behind for the month. So letâs do it.â
Joe cut off the music in his head; his lyrics put to an old Fats Domino tune, âSuicide Hillâ substituted for âBlueberry Hill.â Leave it to Bobby to puncture both their balloons with one shot, so he wouldnât have a good comeback. âTomorrowâs December first. The Christmas rush and the rainy season. Weâll double up on Bibles and prayer kits, and siding jobs.â Bobbyâs jaw clenched at the last words, and Joe added, âAnd weâll give some money to Saint Sebastianâs. A tithe. Weâll find some suckers with bucks, and rip them off and give the dinero to earthquake reââ
Bobby stopped him with a slow finger across the throat. âNot earthquake relief, puto !Itâs a scam! You donât do penance for one scam by giving bucks to another one!â
âBut Henderson gave two grand to that priest from the archdiocese for earthquake relief. Heââ
Bobby shook his head. âA scam within a scam within a scam, pindejo. He gave the priest a check for two K and got a receipt for three. That priest has got a brother in the D.A.âs office. The Fraud Division. Need I say fucking more?â
Joe tightened his collar, feeling his nice guy/musician self slip back into Father Hernandez, the phone scam padre. He grabbed a stack of Naugahyde-bound Bibles off the floor and carried them out to the car, wondering for the ten millionth time how Bobby could love hating his brother and his job and his life as much as he did.
Bobby and Joe worked for Henderson Enterprises, Inc., purveyors of aluminum siding and Bibles in Spanish. The scam originated in a phone room, where salesmen pitched rustproof patios and eternal salvation through Jesus to unsophisticated and semi-impoverished Angelenos, offering them free gas coupons as a come-on to get the âfield representativesâ out to their homes, where he signed them up for âlifetime protection guarantees,â which in reality meant a new siding job or Bible on a âregular installation basisââmeaning debilitating permanent monthly payments to whoever was gullible enough to sign on the dotted line.
Which was where Bobby and Joe, as Father Gonzalez and Father Hernandez, L.A.-based âfree-lanceâ priests, came in. They were the âheavy closersââpsychological intimidation specialists who sized up weaknesses on the follow-up calls and made the sucker sign, setting in motion a string of kickbacks originating in the main office of U.S. Aluminum, Inc., and its subsidiary company, the Truth and Light Publishing House.
With the trunk of their â77 Camaro stuffed with Bibles, siding samples and wall hangings of Jesus, the Garcias drove to a âcloseâ in El Monte on the Pomona Freeway. Joe was at the wheel, humming Springsteen under his breath so his brother wouldnât hear; Bobby threw short punches toward the windshield and stared out at the dark clouds that were forming, hoping for thundershowers to spook their closees into buying. When raindrops spattered the glass in front of him, he closed his eyes and thought of how everything important in his life happened when it was raining.
Like the time he sparred with Little Red Lopez and knocked him through the ropes with a perfect right cross. Red said his timing was off because bad weather made his old knife scars ache.
Like the time Joe and his garage band won the âBattle of the Bandsâ at El Monte Legion Stadium. He played adoring older brother and glommed a groupie who gave him head in his car while he smoked weed and kept the wipers going so he could eyeball prowling fuzz.
Like the righteous burglaries he and Joe pulled in West L.A. during the â77-â78 floods, when the L.A.P.D. and C.H.P. were all evacuating hillsides and mopping blood off the freeways.
Like the time he felt guilty
S. A. Archer, S. Ravynheart