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concentrate on letting my breath out slowly, hoping to hold in my tears.
    â€œTara and Trent, why don’t you two step outside and I’ll send the rest of the family out in a minute,” Lydia says.
    Trent swings his tall body up and shuffles toward the door. Tara stands up behind him. She gives me a small wave as she passes.
    â€œWhy do we have to drag them in here?” I ask as the door closes behind them. “I’m sure they don’t like it.”
    â€œAnd I know how you feel about it.” Lydia looks at me over her notebook with a half smile. “They’re only here sometimes, and it’s important for them to have some understanding of how difficult things can be for you.”
    I start to say something else, but Uncle Rob’s still in the room, and I’m not sure how much I’m ready to talk around him. I clamp my mouth shut.
    â€œHow are you two doing?” Lydia asks.
    I know without taking my eyes off my lap that she’s talking to Uncle Rob.
    â€œWell, I’m sure when Joy and I can chat a bit, we’ll have a lot in common,” he says. “She plows through her homework the way I used to.” His voice is soft and kind. “We exchanged a few words the other night.”
    Now I’m glad Lydia will know I did both things on my list without me bringing it up again.
    Uncle Rob sounds so nice, but even now I can’t bring myself to look at him. Deep voices still hit me in places I don’t want to think about.
    â€œWell, Joy and I need a few minutes alone, and then I’ll let you all go.”
    Aunt Nicole and Uncle Rob stand up and walk out. I finally relax into the chair.
    â€œI got your email about talking to the boy at school,” Lydia says to me. “That’s pretty cool. And school. You know I was against you starting up, but you’re surviving it. Your letter to me about the difference between now and when you started was great. I hope the assignment made it more obvious to you how much things are going in a good direction.”
    â€œThanks.” My eyes find hers for the first time today.
    â€œI don’t have to ask why Rob scares you.”
    I’m silent and try not to think about the same thing, but I can almost feel the rough hands on my waist, the knife against my neck, the whispered threats. I suck in a breath and press my fingers on the bridge of my nose as my body starts to shake.
    â€œJoy. Look at me.”
    The stubble down my neck, the slice of pain when I whimpered and the knife dug in farther.
    Lydia moves and her hand gently touches my wrist, making me jump. “Where were you?”
    â€œThe last place I want to be.”
    She smiles softly. “Keep your eyes on me for a moment, okay?”
    I do because I like Lydia’s round face and bright smile, and I know it’ll keep me in the here and now.
    â€œWhat brought you back there?”
    â€œUncle Rob. When you said …” I trail off, knowing she’ll know.
    â€œI can see your breathing already slowing back down.” Her voice is mellow, quiet, and calm. “Remember shutting your eyes makes it worse. Try to force them open. To take in your surroundings when you find yourself there again, okay?”
    I nod and swallow, trying to push away the fear, but its grip on me is solid.
    â€œWhen I talk to your aunt and uncle without you, I can tell the love they have for you is the real thing. I want you to remember that. We can hold off on talking to Rob. Okay?”
    My shoulders relax in relief, and they ache—a sign I’m even tenser today than normal. “Okay.”
    â€œAnd I’ll let your aunt know that you should get the backseat to yourself on the drive home. Would that help?”
    I nod, grateful, relieved, and feeling like I should be able to handle sharing a car with Uncle Rob. But in this moment, I care a lot more about having a seat to myself than how well I’m doing with the