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mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Lincoln wasn’t very nice to his wife Mary,” I recall. “And I believe that as a lawyer, he got several murderers acquitted by fooling the jury. Anyhow, they named a monument after him. Nobody has ever named anything after me.”
    “Well what do you expect me to do about that?” demanded Satan. “Nobody ever claimed that life is fair. Are you hoping I will give you a pass to Heaven? Don’t be foolish. Take your medicine like a man. Follow the proper procedures, and let us make you as miserable as your deeds in life require.”
    Satan’s words did not have the desired effect on Booth. Instead the late actor began a lengthy soliloquy from “The Merchant of Venice.”
    More to shut him up that anything else, Satan asked, “Do you have any practical remedy to suggest?”
    “All I want is a chance to defend myself,” Booth said with a hangdog air. “Why don’t you let me post a clarification of my story on a bulletin board in Hell?”
    Eager to end the conversation, and wishing to ward off another Shakespearean soliloquy, the arch fiend agreed. “Just write out what you want to say, and I’ll take a look at it. As long as it sticks to the facts, it should be acceptable.”
    Both expressed their thanks and left. Booth did not return for some time. Naturally, he was not excused from the daily round of tortures inflicted routinely on the souls of the damned in Hell. When he reappeared at Satan’s office, he handed the Devil the draft statement justifying his actions, and waited expectantly.
    The arch fiend looked at the draft and whistled in admiration. “John,” he said, marking the first time Satan had ever referred to a denizen of Hell by his first name, “We have a lot of advertising geniuses here, but you are by far the best.”
    And the draft written by Booth was indeed impressive. It began by referring to the fundamental religious and political authorities. The Bible, it noted, teaches that only someone who is without sin should cast the first stone, and that no one should judge, lest he be judged. The treatise repeated the famous words of the Magna Carta in 1215, that one is entitled to a trial by a jury of his peers, and to the French Bill of Rights of 1789, that everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. How could he be blamed for Lincoln’s assassination, Booth pointed out, when he had not been properly convicted by a jury of his peers, for the deed?
    The draft then emphasized that Booth was the victim of a poor environment, being born out of wedlock, with his mother the mistress of Booth’s already married father. The late actor was further suffering from doubt over his self image, saying at times he was an Episcopalian, and on other occasions admitting he was secretly a Roman Catholic.
    Finally, it turned to describing the virtuous life booth had led, except for that one admittedly unfortunate transgression. Abraham Lincoln, it noted was widely commemorated, with a city in Nebraska named after him, as well as his face appearing on the U.S. penny coin, and the five dollar bill, not to mention an imposing monument in his honor in the nation’s capitol. This was the same man, Booth continued, who had violated the American Constitution during the Civil War, because he supported, until quite late in the Civil War, the continuation of slavery, in those American states in which it was legal. He concluded by reminding the reader that he also frequented prostitutes before he was married, and after his marriage, was believed by his wife to be treating her shabbily, and as defense attorney, hoodwinked juries into acquitting obviously guilty murderers.
    “My boy,” the Devil said, “How would you like to assist me to improve my image? We have rather a serious problem with the way most people look at me, and at Hell. I’d like you to prepare an advertising campaign for me.”
    The campaign Booth prepared for the Devil more than met Satan’s expectations. Booth was