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before a young woman next to me named Shara grabbed me and asked to pray for me. What followed was a prophetic unleashing like I had never experienced, during which she called out the fact that I had “questioned the existence of God.” That’s all it took for me never to do that again. One night of questioning who He was, and He revealed Himself in an undeniable way. Shara has become part of our family and remains a strong prophetic voice in my life.
    I’ve heard that hunger for God is a gift, and I know that to be true. It’s something you can’t do on your own. You can’t get yourself so excited and worked up that you’re suddenly passionate about God. The only thing I can say—and something Bill Johnson talked about in Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry—is that in the Kingdom, the more you eat the hungrier you get. The more you experience of Him, the more you’ll want Him. I really cherish a few specific times of intense hunger for the Lord, those seasons of real intensity and acceleration in my walk with Him. I want to always remind myself to stay dependent, to ask for a constant awakening of that hunger, and to not grow overly content with what I’ve already experienced.
    One of those intense seasons with the Lord began during my senior year in high school. My cousin Marissa came to live with us and volunteer for the year out of a conservative Calvary Chapel background. We both had radical encounters with the Holy Spirit and began practicing every spiritual gift we’d heard about. We practiced the prophetic and did prophetic art even though I don’t draw. I would strum the five chords I know on guitar and we would sing as many worship songs as we could learn. If we heard worship music going on in the Iris center somewhere, we would literally run out of the house to find it. We would find ourselves laid out at any moment in the Presence of God laughing or crying, having visions of heaven in our rooms, at the church, in the visitor’s center. I feel like God supernaturally taught us a lot about His Spirit that year. It was immediately after that season when I traveled to Mongolia and Brazil to preach and started seeing real breakthrough when I prayed for people to get healed.
    When God breaks your heart for a country or a calling, I believe it’s a supernatural thing. It’s a gift because you feel such a connection and intimacy with His heart. India is just one example of a place God gave me a passion for a long time ago. I feel like during that year I was able to see just a glimpse of His heart for a nation, just a fraction…and it was life changing. My hope is that every Christian would experience something like that. I’m not a stranger to feeling called to something and then questioning it later when it doesn’t make a lot of sense, when you have obstacles in your way, or when you feel you’re not hearing the Lord like you used to. One of my biggest spiritual questions has been asking, “When do you pursue something with everything you have despite opposition, and when do you rest and wait for the Lord to be your defender and open the doors?” Of course, I know in my heart the answer is personal relationship with Him, a relationship I need to nurture and rely on at all cost.
    In my life, navigating my calling has been an interesting journey overall. Often I’ve felt a deep internal pressure to “change the world” before I’m thirty. It’s been a self-inflicted pressure, possibly reinforced by some people but not by my parents. I’ve endured many a “prophetic word” from well-meaning people that sound more like they’re guessing what I need to hear based on what they know of my family rather than listening to God. Occasionally that’s made the conference crowd feel a little unsafe. Of course, I’ve also received
much
needed encouragement along the way and allowed myself to be okay about feeling called to more than one area and learning to recognize which season I’m in.
    Growing