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my
apple, after all I was going to need the sustenance. It was my
mother.
    "You don't
say?" I mumbled through my mouthful. "And where did you pick up
this spicy piece of gossip?"
    "At my adult
education class. I told you I learn such interesting things there,
didn't I? Well it's true and Professor Clarence said that my views
were thorough and insightful. He's quite good looking, you know.
Not as good looking as your father maybe, but if I wasn't married,
or if I had an unhappy marriage I'd get with him like a shot. I bet
that's where he gets most of his girlfriends from. Oh, that sounds
mean, doesn't it? I didn't mean to imply that he was so pathetic
that…"
    And on it
went.
    I slumped down
at the kitchen table and continued to eat my apple. I got down to
the core and was nibbling away at those gross bits that surround
the seeds and she still hadn't stopped her monologue. I threw the
core away and, as I did so, I caught Matt's questioning look.
    'Mum,' I
mouthed at him and he nodded sagely before turning back to the TV.
I laid my head down on my arms with the phone resting next to me.
My mum's voice was loud enough that I could hear every word she was
saying, although I was struggling to put them into any kind of
coherent order in my brain.
    "…but I do
think it'd be nice to do something big for a change. So what do you
think?"
    I jerked out of
my almost catatonic state and put the phone back up to my ear,
aware that this question wasn't rhetorical, and that I had
absolutely no idea what she was talking about.
    "I think it's a
great idea, mum," I said jovially, hoping against hope that this
was the right answer.
    "Oh good!" I
could virtually feel her beaming down the phone. "Now if we could
only convince your father then I could start preparations right
away. You'll speak to him, won't you? And tell him that you think
it's a good idea?"
    "Of course I
will," I said with a great deal less certainty in my voice. Mum's
idea of a good plan was often vastly different from my dad's and,
subsequently, Matt's and my own. What had I leant my endorsement
to?
    "Excellent.
Then you can bring your boyfriend, Brent is it?"
    "Brad," I
corrected her without thinking. Catching my mistake I quickly
added, "But we've broken up."
    "Wonderful! I'm
sorry to say, honey, but I never really liked him. Shifty eyes. Or
was that your brother's girlfriend? I can never keep track."
    And there you
have it. Perhaps the best example of the inner working of my
mother's brain. According to her own admission, she can’t keep
track between my boyfriends and Matt's girlfriends. Speaking of
whom…I looked across the room and saw that my brother was now
watching me out of narrowed eyes. What was his problem? Then I
suddenly remembered that I hadn't told him about breaking it off
with Brad or, more importantly, my reason for doing so and he must
have overheard me. Crap, he looked pretty annoyed. Still, I didn't
have to worry about this for too long as my mother had started up
again.
    "Have those
daffodils outside your building flowered yet? I thought they
would’ve, but your father seems to think it's too early."
    Bam! Onto
another train of thought, dismissing my boyfriend-less state in one
swift movement. This is why I love my mother so much, she believes
in three main codes of life: no histrionics about things in the
past, life is too short for regret, and, her favourite saying of
them all, move on!
    "How's my
favourite boy then?" She asked, taking another leap to a different
line of thought.
    "Oh Jack's
fine," I said absentmindedly, still looking at Matt's angry
expression.
    "Good. Is he
eating well?"
    I smiled, my
mother adored Jack and was constantly fussing over him.
    "Yeah I think
so, mum. Ask him yourself in a minute."
    "Yes, but he
knows how I worry so he might lie to me to set my mind at
ease."
    The thought of
Jack lying to my mother was patently ridiculous, but as I wanted to
speak to Dad before midnight, I agreed with her and asked for the
phone to be